My Life "To Do" List

During my junior year of high school my English teacher, Mrs. Dumalski, required us write in a notebook about various topics. One of those topics was a list of things we'd like to do in our life. I guess in some regards it's like a "bucket list," but I hate thinking of it that way because to me that term implies some fast approaching end to life and I don't want to think that way.

While I was searching through some older posts recently, I came across this post. It talks about all my attempts to journal. It also references my life "to do" list I wrote for Mrs. D's class when I was 17-years-old.

While reading this list this time around, I had an overwhelming feeling of amazement come over me. It was the first time I realized how closely this list represents the things I've either achieved, or still desire to achieve, without even having really looked at the list since it was first penned. I guess this speaks volumes to the sincerity of the goals I aspired to, and the sense of myself I apparently had at that point in my life.

This time around, instead of just listing them out, again, I've decided add a bit of commentary around each most of them.... Oh, and I get to check a few of them off the list (I love checking things off lists).

√ Finish college with a degree

I'm not sure how I would finish college and not have a degree so this kind of sounds funny to me. I think I meant was that I wanted to earn a Bachelor's degree. With that in mind, I not only have a undergraduate degree (Bachelor of Science), but also a graduate degree (Master of Business Administration).

- > Amendment: Now the goal is to earn a Doctorate degree.

• Learn to speak two foreign languages

I've shied away from learning foreign languages. I believe this primarily has to do with my experience trying to learn French in 5th grade. Oh, and trying to learn Hebrew as well.

(It's funny how a bad experience at such a young age can influence you so many years later.)

In I learned basic Sign Language. These days I only remember a little Sign Language because I don't use it very often. I have, however, encountered some deaf individuals over the years and tried to sign as best I could. Typically, my attempt to communicate this way has been appreciated and the people I was speaking with were patient with me.

I think this warrants half a check.

-> Amendment: I'd like to take a stab at French again. Additionally, I'd like to add Italian to the list. I believe enhance the experience of the next item on this list.

• Travel around Europe

Though I've been to England and Ireland there are many more countries I'd like to see. Some of the place I'd like to go include: France, Italy, Australia, Spain and Asia. (Just to name a few)

Again, half a check.

• Camp in the mountains

Yeah . . . Still haven't done this. I've camped at a Bedouin camp in Israel and in Western Illinois as well; however, not the mountains as this goal specifies.

Another half check?

√ Keep in touch with everyone I want to after graduation

I have friends spanning 20+ years. I think I've achieved this goal.

√ Learn how to stop biting my nails every time I get nervous

Oddly enough, the last time I was under immense stress my nail actually grew.

• Learn to take professional pictures

WOW! I'm amazed that I put this down. Guess photography has always been a part of me - even when I didn't have a camera.

I'm not a professional photographer, but I'm constantly working on improving my skills. I don't know about making photography a profession, but maybe a side job some day.

√ Lose a pant size

Ah yes, vanity. I can check this one off.

• Live to see my 100th birthday in 2075

I always look at this one and laugh because I have no control over this, but I do hope it happens.

• Develop my singing talent

This remains on the list. Haven't done anything with this in years, but I'd like to get back into a singing group environment again some day.

• Develop my dancing skills

This stays on the list as well.


√ Always push myself to achieve more than I have

Most recent example -> Plan B. Enough said . . .

• Influence political people on important issues

Hmmmm . . . maybe if Plan B is actually achieved than I will be in a position to influence political people on issues I deem important. That said, even if it isn't achieved, I can still work on being influential in the political arena if I really felt passionate about doing so.

• Climb Mt. Everest

Ambitious!!! I'm keeping it on the list.

• Become famous

Another, hmmmm . . . I don't know that I'll be some big famous celebrity type, but it's possible I could be famous in my own little world of people/community.

Honestly, I'm not really sure where this one came from. It's not like me to want the spotlight. That's why I think if I were it would be within my own community.

√ Stay healthy

Always working on this one . . .

• Die peacefully

This is another I look at and realize I have no control over. I do hope this is the case when the time comes.

√ Help people

Though I'm putting a check by this item I don't plan to stop helping others - it brings me happiness.


So what's next?

Well, I'm happy to see that I've actually done some of these things, and started working on others. I want to continue working on these things. They truly are representative of the adventures and experiences I wish to have in life.

Additionally, I plan to add to the list. Back in January I posted a "bucket list" on this blog. Although, as I stated in the beginning of this post, I don't like the term "bucket list" I used that term because I had just watched the movie, "The Bucket List."

Some of the items I have on this list were on that list as well - such as learn French. With that in mind, there are new items to be added. Once I have a little more time, and energy, I will post them to this blog. Until then, I will continue to marvel in the things I set out to do as a young adult, and continue to strive for today.

Until later . . .

30 Day Song Challenge: This Time Last Year (A Confession)

There was this boy.

We met online. Honestly, I wasn't looking for a relationship, or even planning on dating at that moment. I had broken up with someone and I just went onto the dating web site to closeout the connection to that person. That's when this one communication request jumped out at me. As I read the information in his profile I was greatly compelled to respond - but I wasn't looking for a relationship .... Next thing I knew, after a series of "guided communication" questions and many, many, many e-mails, there was a date planned with this boy.

"I don't know. I'm not sure."

That is what I told BFF and S when they asked about the date. It wasn't normal for me to be so indifferent - especially about a boy. I may be a lot of things, but indifferent is not one of them.

'Til this day, I still wonder if BFF was ever suspect of what was going on. I know she wondered why I continued to date someone I appeared to be indifferent about, but I wonder if she knew what was happening to me before I figured it out for myself.

I can tell you the exact moment I fell for said boy. It was on our first date. We were having frozen yogurt and chatting it up about . . . well, I can't remember exactly what we were chatting it up about, but I do remember looking at him and getting "a feeling." It scared the shit out of me. The more and more I got to know him the more and more I felt this feeling. This caused me to continue declaring "I don't know" to my friends.

Who was I kidding? I did in fact know. A few months into the relationship my friends FireFly and Susanna the Short began telling me to stop kidding myself about how I felt and just admit the truth - oh, and to enjoy it.

Day 30: Your favorite song this time last year . . . .

I won't share anymore details about this relationship. (They aren't for public consumption.) All I will say is that this story does not end with "and they lived happily ever after."

Recently, while I was syncing my iPod with my computer, I noticed that iTunes tracks and displays the number of times you've played each song. Out of curiosity I arranged the songs by the number of plays. That is when I discovered this song at the top of the list . . . My jaw dropped. I knew why it was at the top of the list, but I guess I never expected that I had played the song a few hundred times.

(I could pretend like this wasn't my favorite song last year, and furthermore why it was my favorite song, but the only person I'd really be fooling is myself - and I already did that, once.)

Looking back, this should have been my second clue that "I don't know" was just my way of trying to protect my heart which at the time was trying to run a-muck with giddiness and happiness. If only . . .

Until later . . .

30 Day Song Challenge: I Heart The 80's

As I stated when I first began this challenge, music has always been a part of my life. I still remember one weekend afternoon my dad asked me to let him know when my program was over. I said fine and as he was about to walk away my brother informed him my "program" would keep continuing on since I was watching music videos on MTV. (BUSTED!)

During last year of Jr. High school I spent practically every weekday afternoon watching "Dance Party USA." This allowed me to not only listen to music, but also practice such popular dance moves of the time like the running man and roger rabbit.


Day 29: A song from your childhood


I think the 80's were an amazing time in terms of musical influence. The array of music to choose from was vast. For this day I could choose Madonna, Michael Jackson or Cyndi Lauper, but those seem to obvious. Also, as much as I loved the music by all these artists, the song I choose was very much a favorite of mine.

Until later . . .

30 Day Song Challenge: Four For The Price Of One

Another day of catch-up for the 30 day song challenge which mean this post contains four songs.

Day 25: A song that you think is silly

In all honest, I don't find all of this artists song "funny." Actually there is actually at least one song I find greatly inappropriate, but I believe that is the exception, and not the rule.

Day 26: A song you can play on an instrument

This is the only thing I can play on a musical instrument . . .

Day 27: A song you wish you could play

I've never really thought about this so I'm just going to go with a song that is played whenever my friend midtsy has a party at her home (she loves playing the piano!). It's a classic!

Day 28: A song that makes you feel guilty

Whenever I hear a violin play I wonder "What if I hadn't given up on learning to play the violin?" Then I feel a little guilty that I did give up.

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It's A Little Odd

Happy Thursday All!

From time-to-time my Thursday posts are like me - short and sweet. This mainly has to do with my lack of things to say on a given topic. This happened a couple of times last year, and is now happening for the first time this year - or so I thought.

This week, the Thursday blog topic was chosen by Sara. She asked us to write about the following: Describe a situation in your life which is totally normal for you, but others may view as strange, or weird, or different.

At first I couldn't think of anything. I was sure there was NOTHING in my life that was normal to me, but was odd to others. I was even prepared to talk about how I love to put syrup on hash browns just so I would have something to write about. See, each and every time I have brunch with someone new I have to forewarn them about this odd behavior preference. Then, just as I was about to go into a short and sweet explanation as to why my post this week was basically non-existent I had my "aha" moment. See, the truth of the matter is that from the day I was born the family dynamic I grew up in has been normal to me, but strange to others.

Here's the deal...

My parents were 24 years apart in age (my father being the oldest between the two of them). Two of my three brothers are actually half brothers who are old enough to be my parents. My oldest brother is my mom's age and my middle brother is 30 years older than me. Then there is my youngest brother who is three years older than me.

My middle brother has two kids - my "older" niece and nephew - who are 3 and 6 years younger than me respectively. My younger brother has two kids as well - my "younger" niece and nephew. Since my youngest brother is 3 years old then me, my younger niece and nephew are the ages one would expect all my nieces and nephews to be.

To make things a little bit more fun, my oldest niece has a son, my great nephew, who is a year younger than my youngest nephew - to the day.

Have I lost you yet? Do you need a scorecard? If so, don't worry, sometimes I feel like I do. If not, let me know where I can send your gold star because you rock!

Now, don't get me wrong. I never thought this was normal in the literal sense of normal. I knew we were different, and strange. However, as life situations and realities go this family dynamic was, and is, normal to me.

It's interesting living the aunt/auntie experience twice. Honestly, though technically I was an "aunt," my older niece and nephew have always been more like friends to me. With my younger niece and nephew, I getting to be Auntie Froggie and have the "auntie" - niece/nephew - relationship you find in "normal" families. When I really think about it, this dual perspective has actually made me appreciate the whole experience of being an auntie more and has made me appreciate my own auntie more.

In addition to having a niece and nephew who are basically my contemporaries, I also have siblings whom are old enough to be my parents. Whenever I'm telling someone I've just met about my family I find myself going into the whole family tree outline, I just shared above, before sharing anything else about them. I haven't quite figured out yet how to tell someone one of my brothers is retired without providing this background knowledge. This age difference also serves to my advantage when I'm seeking out advice from a parent-like figure other than my mom. I know I can turn to my older brothers for advice on things my mom doesn't necessarily have experience with. This is yet another thing I appreciate about my family.

When I was a child I wasn't as confident with my family situation. To some extent I was embarrassed by it; however, as an adult it's just my unique family. In some weird way I think I take pride in our uniqueness. Additionally, along the way I have met one other individual who has a similar family tree. Though I knew there were others like us out there, it was nice to actually meet someone from a family like mine. They could understand where I come from.

At the end of the day we're not that different from other families. We all still love each other and have our share of dramas. And, just like other families, we do things in our own special and unique way.

Now that I have shared some of my thoughts on my odd and different situation, please take a moment to read what my fellow bloggers have to say on this topic.


• Momarock (Sara)

• Merryland Girl (Melissa)

• Mom of Many (Susanna)


Until later . . .

30 Day Song Challenge: When I Die

Day 24: A song you'd like played at your funeral.

Cheery, I know!

This was a difficult one because I don't really think about death - or at least my death. Additionally, as I mentioned in my first post at the beginning of the month, Jews aren't suppose to listen to music when they are in mourning. So, I've never thought about what song I'd want played at my funeral.

I don't want people to be sad at my funeral - just happy. I want them to celebrate my life...

After giving it some thought I decided on this song - I stole it from BFF; I'm sure she won't mind. :)



Until later . . .

30 Day Song Challenge: Wedding Bells

I told you things were getting personal...

Day 23: A song you wanted played at your wedding.

If I were to get married again, I'd play this song at the wedding.



Until later . . .

30 Day Song Challenge: Boys

As I start the home stretch of this little challenge, things appear to be getting a bit personal . . .

Day 22: A song you listen to when you're sad

There is only one reason I listen to sad music - Boys

I have a song for all occasions ranging from crushes to heartbreak. Mainly, heartbreak. There seems to always be a song that puts into words what I'm feeling.

I listen to a lot of sad music when I'm mending a broken heart. One of the CDs I've been listening to a lot is Adele's new CD "21." This song would be the type of song I'd listen to if I was sad about a boy.

Until later . . .

30 Day Song Challenge: Whimsical

The first time I ever heard of Owl City was in 2009 when their single "Fireflies" was on the radio. (Yeah, I listened to the radio back then.) I found the song whimsical and lite. I have since checked out their CD. It's not bad. A few bizarre songs, but, mostly, whimsical.

Day 21: A song that you listen to when you're happy

Despite the fact I do like the other songs, I keep coming back to this song . . .

Until later . . .

I Heart Chicago!

The last time I was at Millennium Park, prior to my most recent visit, there was barely any signs of life.



However, that has all changed . . .



Either way there is one thing that remains constant . . . how much I <3 Chicago!

Until later . . .

30 Day Song Challenge: Angry Bird

Day 20: A song you listen to when you're angry

Hmmm. . . angry. I can't remember the last time I was really angry. Frustrated, annoyed, irritated - sure. It happens from time-to-time, but angry . . .

Anyhow, when I am in these moods I turn to heavy metal. It seems appropriate. Here's some classic Guns N' Roses to set the mood . . .

Until later . . .

30 Day Song Challenge: Soundtrack

Today's song is all about my "favorite" album. I can't say this is my favorite album of all time, but it is up there. It's from the movie "Reality Bites."

This is one of my favorite movies which makes the fact that I loved the soundtrack so much that much better. That said, it was difficult to pick a song to feature so I decided to go with a classic.

Until later . . .

Keepin' It Real

It's Thursday which means it's time for another Thursday Blog entry. This week it was my turn to choose the topic.

In the Glee episode "Born This Way" the Glee Club is told to put a quality they see in themselves as a flaw on a t-shirt. This is done as a way for them to embrace this particular flaw. What I want to know is what would your t-shirt say.

As mentioned above, this topic was taken from an episode of Glee. However, the idea to use it as a topic for this project was come out of a conversation I was having with BFF one day. During the course of conversation my “flaw” came up. Whenever this comes up I typically find myself defending this quality and this particular day was not any different. Truth be told, I don’t really see this as a flaw. At one point, BFF asked be if I’d be willing to wear this quality on “my t-shirt.” (Having just seen the Glee episode I knew what she was talking about.) Without hesitation I replied, “Yes.” That’s when she suggested I offer this up as a topic the next time it was my turn – so I did!

So, what quality am I putting on my t-shirt?

I’m embracing the fact that I’m a realist. I see things for how they are. I like to take situation at hand and view it from a basis of what the facts look like.
Does this mean I’m not optimist or idealist and firmly believe that reality cannot be defied? Absolutely not! Actually, what makes my realism more interesting is that I actually have an optimistic (idealist) side to me. I’m very driven to go after things that I want – even if they appear to be greatly out of reach. I do believe that hell can in fact freeze over.

At the end of the day I believe it’s all a balancing act. Making sure one side doesn’t take over the others. Maybe that is where the “flaw” part of all this comes in play.

Now that I’ve talked about the flaw I wish to embrace, and “wear on a t-shirt,” I encourage you to check out what my fellow bloggers have to say about this topic.


• Mom of Many (Susanna)

• Momarock (Sarah)

• Merryland Girl (Melissa)

Until later . . .

30 Day Song Challenge: Wish I May, Wish I Might (Radio Play)

"Star light, star bright,
The first star I see tonight;
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Have the wish I wish tonight"

Whenever I think of making wishes, I think of when I was a child and use to say the above nursery rhyme upon sighting a single star in the sky. These days, I don't make wishes; I just have hopes and dreams. (Is this the adult version of making a wish?)

Anyhow, this is not about my hopes and dreams. Nor is it about childrens wishes. It is, however, about a wish . . .

Day 18: A song you wish you heard on the radio.

Even when it was new I don't remember hearing this song on the radio. I guess I could play this on Pandora if I really wanted, but I have the mp3 of it so I can listen to it whenever I want - except when I'm driving. (The radio in my car is ancient so no mp3, or cd, capabilities for me.) That's why I wish I would hear it on the radio. Who knows, maybe one day I will in fact hear this on the radio as I'm making my way from point a to point b. Until that day, I guess it's all wishful thinking.

Great Kat lyrics

LCD.Soundsystem-Someone .Great Video - Great Kat Music Videos

Music Videos by VideoCure

Until later . . .

30 Day Song Challenge: This Is Me

We're halfway through May!

Honestly, I can't believe this. The year is flying by faster than I expected it would. I swear it was just January. Anyhow, I'll stop rambling and get on with the "task" at hand . . .

As I mentioned earlier, I'm a bit behind on this song challenge thing. Simply put, life is hectic and I've had to focus on other things outside of this blog.

The song for the 15th day of this song challenge is suppose to be "a song that describes you."

I'll admit, I had a difficult time with this one because I'm the last person to describe myself. When people tell me to tell them about myself I really don't know where to start. First and foremost, I feel this way because I see me as just me (modesty rearing its ugly head). I'm never really sure were to start. If I'm on an interview it's obvious where I should start, but if I'm not... well, that's a different story. I guess what I'm saying is that I like to have parameters in which to focus the information I provide. Secondly, if I talk with someone long enough things about me will come out during the course of the conversation - it's only natural. I find it easier just to have a conversation about whatever than be put on the spot with the open-ended question.

I've put a lot of thought into this selection; possibly too much thought. I almost settled for something I was ok with - then I found this song as I was organizing my iTunes. I've loved this song from the moment I heard it.

Recently, BFF said she's seen a "spark" in me that hasn't been there in many, many years. She's right. Awhile back I said on this blog I am feeling more like the real me than I have in a long time. Part of that feeling has to do with this spark BFF speaks of. Overall, I'm glad this is the case - it's about time! I knew it's always been there, but was a bit afraid I had lost this part of me. (It really has been THAT long since this part of me has shined through.) It's nice to know that isn't gone.

Day 15: A song that describes you:

This song describes the "spark" BFF spoke of perfectly. What makes it even more perfect is the movie it was featured in . . . I smiled big time when I saw the montage from the movie was one of the YouTube videos for this song. I say with full pride, I love this movie (a definite chick flick) . . . this has always been one of my favorite parts of the movie.

Until later . . .

30 Day Song Challenge: Radio Play and More Hate

I missed two days - the 15th and 16th. Plus, there is today's song. Since I'm playing catch-up, I'm doing things a little backwards. This post is for today and yesterday . . .

Day 17: A song you often hear on the radio.
As I looked at the list for the past couple of days I seem to be running into problems with all the types of songs. For day 17 that problem is that I hardly ever listen to the radio anymore. The only time I really listen to the radio is when I'm in my car which pretty much boils down to two days a week. I don't even stream music like I use to. This all makes choosing a song "I hear often on the radio" difficult. Then this song came to mind... Even though it's something like six/seven months old, I still hear it on the radio a lot. Interestingly, sometime I'll hear the clean version and other times I'll hear the orginal with bad words silenced out. Either way, I went with the clean version since that is what I hear the most.

Day 16: A song you use to like, but now you hate.

Do I need to get on my soapbox about the word hate? I won't. All I will say is that I don't "hate" this song. I just don't like it anymore.

Until later . . .

Open Thoughts

• I wanted answers and I got an answer - just not the one I wanted.

• Last Sunday I woke up asking "If not Plan B, and not Plan C, then what is Plan D? (No, I was not writing a standardized test question, but it sure does sound like one, doesn't it?) Anyhow, this weekend I think I have figured out Plan D. Of all the plans I really would like b to workout, but I'm not sure that will be the case.

• On the topic of plans... Though not a good long-term plan, Plan C is a very attractive plan. There could be some amazing adventures and experiences to be had with this plan. Just food for thought.

• I'm still amazed the impact one person can have on your life.

• It was around this time ten years ago that I made an important visit to Chicago for a long weekend.

During that trip BFF, Cantor D, D, Jack and I all went out for dinner and then to see a show BFF, Cantor D and Jack had raved about. This particular show would become legendary amongst BFF, Canter D, Jack and I and something we'd try to go see as often as possible. Whenever I hear this song I think of that night.


• I went out a few times with this guy who is a photographer. His goal for the new year was to get a shot that could be sold as bathroom artwork. He explained to me aiming for kitchen artwork was to high of an expectation. He liked to keep his aspirations low so success was easier to attain. This got me wondering if this was the same thing as under-promising when it came to setting customer expectations and then over-delivering. Either way it was completely opposite of how I am. I seem to always set my sights high. Sometimes I wonder if he has the right idea, but I keep coming back to where I started.

• "The more I do, the less I know . . ." ~ Adele

• This past weekend I was playing checkers with a friend of mine. The game eventually ended because we came to a stalemate. Seriously, we would have literally sat there for a very, very, very long time if we hadn't called it quits. The thing is that I believe I won the game because I had more of their pieces than they had of mine. My friend seems to disagree noting the game ended in a stalemate and not due to one person acquiring all of the other's pieces. So, according to them no one won. The bottom line is that they didn't want to be declared a loser. Can you tell we're both competitive? We plan to have a rematch; even if it means sitting for hours on end playing checkers until someone gets tired enough to make a bad move.

All this has been wanting to learn how to play chess. Though the checkers game fun, the game itself wasn't very challenging. I think chess would provide such a greater challenge.

• Last week I walked 17.5 miles. This week I walked 16.5 miles. This is awesome considering the amount of walking I didn't do last year. During the summer of 2009, I use to walk anywhere from 20 to 30 miles a week. I would love to have the time to do that again, but I don't. With that in mind, I'm feeling good about all the pre-Couch-to-5k training I'm doing and I'm optimistic that I will be able to run a 5k this coming September/October.

Official training starts in 27 days.

• On the topic of open letters . . . When I think of open letters I think of my friend Salk who loves to write open letters on his blog about everything from city politics to why Wrigley Field needs to be demolished. However, a few months ago I read an open letter on a blog that just blew my mind. It was a very personal open letter. Maybe part of my astonishment was that I knew the individuals involved so I know the back story. Nonetheless, I think it was an interesting move for this person to post such a thing. If it were me I would of contacted the person directly. I'm not sure what is accomplished by putting such a personal letter out there like that. Again, this is just my humble opinion.

• This past week as I was driving into the city I found myself thinking, "Life may not be perfect, but ain't that bad." I try to remember moments like these when I'm challenged by things going on in my life.


Until later . . .

Sit With Your Loneliness

It was President's Day 2009. Since I worked in the financial industry, I was one of the rare folks who got the day off (Yay for Fed Holidays!). After spending the morning lounging around my place, I decided to venture out with my newly acquired digital SLR to the quaint town of St. Charles, IL.

While I was taking some shots of an abandoned theater, I happened to notice a gentleman still in the Starbucks next door watching me while drinking his coffee. Upon realizing I saw him looking at me, he smiled. I smiled back and then went on with taking photos of the marquee. Seeing that it was a bit chilly out that day, it was February after all, I eventually ducted into the Starbucks myself to warm-up before returning to the task at hand. While I relaxed and enjoyed a beverage myself, I causally observed the gentleman.

He just sat by the window watching cars pass on the streets and people walking up and down the sidewalks. I really wanted to go over to him and find out what brought him out that day, but I didn't ask. He looked content and I wasn't sure how my interest in his situation would be received. Instead, I found myself developing theories of my own - maybe he had the day off like I did, or maybe he was unemployed and needed to get out of the house. Either way, there was a sense of loneliness about him I couldn't seem to shake.

Normally, I don't find myself thinking about this experience often, but I was thinking about it a lot last Fall/Winter. At the time I was going through a transition and a clusterfuck of things that made me feel very lonely and unwell.

After a lovely birthday dinner with some of my friends, S and I got to talk about "things." During this conversation I mentioned how I was feeling and she said to me, "Sit with your loneliness."

In the days and weeks to come the words, "Sit with your loneliness" would pass through my mind a lot. I wasn't quite sure what to do with this advice so I filed it away. I figured if and when the time was right I would pull it out of said filing for review.

In the beginning, the life map initiative I began working on at the start of 2011 had two advantages to it - 1) I was beginning to work towards something I had wanted for many years and 2) It distracted me from the lonely/unwell state I mentioned above. (Or, at least I convinced myself it would distract me.) However, over time I came to the realization that wasn't going to be the case. That's when I pulled out the "Sit with your loneliness" advice from the filing cabinet it had been exiled to. I still didn't know what it meant, but this time I let it take up residence at my home. At first I didn't do much with my new roommate - I pretty much ignored it; however, eventually we hung out a bit and became buds.

I still can't explain specifically what "sitting with your loneliness" means, but I do know I have sat with my loneliness; and I'm glad I did. It actually helped me figure out the true root cause of my unsettled feeling which turned out not to be about my transition, the clusterfuck of events that took place when I first really began to feel the way I did or anything else others might have perceived as the cause at the time.

Today, as I type this post I no longer feel lonely or unwell. Instead, I sit here with a sense of calm and peace. As I've said many times recently, this is a feeling I haven't had in a really long time - or possibly ever. It's such a foreign feeling for me that I am a bit reluctant to let take up residence, but I anticipate that will change over times.

A few days ago I was catching S up on "things" going on in my world. It was during this discussion her advice to me was . . . "Sit with your calm."

I believe she said this to me in a joking manner, but little did she know that was actually my plan.


Thanks to the awesomeness that was the Blogger service outage this past week, I was unable to post this Thursday Blog project on Thursday. So, on this rainy, Sunday morning, I am sharing my thoughts on the topic for this past week's Thursday Blog Project: With a nod to Mothers Day, what was the best advice you ever got from your mom.

No, S is not my mom, but she does share "motherly advice" with me from time-to-time and this is one of the pieces of advice.

I encourage you to read what motherly advice my fellow bloggers have received from their moms:
• Mom of Many (Susanna)

• Momarock (Sara)

• Merryland Girl (Melissa)

Until later . . .

30 Day Song Challenge: Betcha You Didn't See This One Comin'

On the first day of this challenge, BFF told me she was surprised by my pick for favorite song and that she would have guessed it would be my pick for today's song. I was a bit surprised by this because I feel my pick on that first day was more what others would expect me to listen to music wise. This leads me to believe a lot of people who know me will see today's selection coming far out of left field.

Day 14: A song no one would expect you to love

There were several artists whose songs were contenders for this spot - The Boxer Rebellion, PJ Harvey and Kayne West (to name a few). At the end of the day, I choose the song below because I've been listening to this group a lot lately.

Until later . . .

30 Day Song Challenge: Oh, Those Guilty Pleasures

As I can hope you can tell by now I'm pretty much open to sharing the types of music I enjoy listening to. There is, however, one type of music that I don't normally advertise . . .

Typically the only time I can be found listening to this type of music is when I'm home or in my car - ALONE. The only reason I listen to it in the car has to do with the fact that it will come on the radio and I can't bring myself to turn switch the station. Instead, I start groovin' along.

(Yep, that was me sitting next to you at the red light making a fool out of myself the other day.)

On this lovely, and rainy, (Happy) Friday the 13th, the 30 Day Song Challenge dictates I must share my "guilty pleasure" song. So, I'm coming out of the closet, or maybe I should say I'm coming out of my home and car . . . Either way, no judgement, please!

I listen to the Bee Gees. **She says sheepishly and in a low voice.** To make matters worse, this is one of my favorite Bee Gees songs:




Until later . . .

30 Day Song Challenge: Hate Is A Strong Word

Day 12: A song from a band you hate.

Three years ago, my friend Cantor D invited me to join him at an Urge Overkill concert he had won tickets to. I hadn't heard of the band, but I was told by a coworker of mine they were pretty cool - so I went. I even drafted our friend M to join us. That evening is infamous between the three of us because honestly the show wasn't that great. Actually I think it was so bad we left half way through.

From time-to-time Cantor D, M and I will reminisce and joke about the experience - the most recent round being earlier this week. Apparently Cantor D read Urge Overkill is releasing a new CD and he wanted to make sure we were first in line to get our copies. I was glad he mentioned this because I knew that "a song from a band you hate" was on the horizon. I figured I would use this group for this day of the song challenge. (I didn't necessarily "hate" this band, but I can tell you from what I experienced I wasn't a fan.) While chatting with M recently, I mentioned the song challenge and how I planned to use the song for this particular day. She was quick to comment saying such a thing about this group might be a little harsh considering UO did have good music and that my experience was really a one-off experience. I recognized she might be right and decided to give them a second chance to win me over. Guess what, they did!

Now I feel the need to mention that I'm not a fan of the word "hate." I never have been and I can't really remember the last time when I've used it. So, when I saw this day of the song challenge approaching I wasn't too thrilled to begin with. There was no band I felt THAT strongly against. After watching a few of UO's videos I was quickly won over. This prompted me to change the wording for today's pick.

So, instead of post a song from a band I hate I am posting a song from a band that did not make a good first impression on me. I'm glad I gave them a second chance and look forward to hearing tracks from their upcoming CD.

Until later . . .

30 Day Song Challenge: Another Favorite

Day 11: A song from your favorite band:

I don't necessarily have one "favorite" band, but I happened upon a track from this band in the past day or so and decided to highlight them today.

The first time I heard this song was when it was featured on the tv show "ER." The song, and the band, have been on my list of favorites ever since.





Until later . . .

30 Day Song Challenge: Sweet Dreams

Sleep is incredibly important to me - I would imagine it is to many people. When I can't sleep I turn to music to put my mind at ease. I have a whole play list on my iPod dedicated to this initative.

Day Ten: A song that makes you fall asleep . . .

Thank you for helping me sleep Enya!

Until later . . .

30 Day Song Challenge: So You Say You Can Dance . . .

I love to dance. I think this is only normal considering the fact that I love music so much. Over the years I have learned different type of dance including tap, ballet, jazz and modern.

Day Nine: A song you can dance to . . .

I have a theory about living in the south. Either you learn to tolerate country music or like/love it. It took some time for me, but I came to love it - and eventually that meant learning to country western dance. This is just one of the song I can two-step too.

Until later . . .

30 Day Song Challenge: All The Words

It's Day Eight of the 30 Day Song Challenge. Today it about showing off a song that you know all the words to. Thanks to my Jr. High music teacher I can sing this song the whole way through...




Until later . . .

30 Day Song Challenge: Brotherhood, Service and Friendship

When I transferred to TCU I joined a national service organization called Alpha Phi Omega. It was a group of individuals interested in campus and community service. Prior to becoming an official member I had attended one of the chapter's semi-formal dances the prior spring. (I knew one of the members.)

Day Seven: A song that reminds you of an event . . .

These TWO songs remind me of that dance.

About halfway through the song came all the girls started singing it to one of the guys as if he had really done something wrong and the song was for him. He hadn't done anything wrong to deserve such treatment. I felt bad for him.

And this one... Well, this is just a rad song and I approved that everyone loved it as much as I did. Every time I hear it I think of that dance.

Until later . . .

30 Day Song Challenge: Any Given Saturday

Day 6: A song that reminds of somewhere...

While attending TCU, during football season hearing this song was just part of any given Saturday ....




Until later . . .

Dreamy

Welcome to Thursday!

(Even though it is almost Friday, it's still Thursday - at least for the next 20 minutes!)


This week's Thursday Blog Project topic is compliments of Melissa:

If you could travel back in time to meet a past celebrity crush, what time period would you travel to and who would you meet? Describe how you would meet them and share something you would say to them.

Of all the celebrity crushes I had a kid Patrick Dempsey was one of the first ones. It was the movie "Can't Buy Me Love" that solidified my crush. How can you not fall for this guy?



If I were to actually meet my crush, I'm not sure what I was say. Honestly, I think I would just turn beat as I stared at him with goggly-eyes and a silly smile on my face. Oh, I'm sure I'd blubber something about how much I love his work (because I really do believe he is a good actor), but mostly I'd just stand there and act like a fool.

Come on! Give me a break - it's McDreamy we're talking about here!




Now that I've shared with you my celebrity crush, check out what my fellow bloggers have to say about their crushes...

Merryland Girl(Melissa)
Mom of Many (Susanna)
momarock (Sara)

Until later . . .

30 Day Song Challenge: For You Dad

November 19, 1988

That is me and my dad dancing at my Bat Mitzvah. Somehow, someway over time this picture got that smudge on it; however, it is the only picture of its kind so I accepted the smudge without hesistation. This was the last dance we ever shared together. Ten months later my dad died.

Day Five of the 30 Day Song Challenge: A song that reminds you of someone . . . This is the song that played during that dance. Whenever I hear it I think of my dad - and smile.

Until later . . .

Getting Things Off My Mind

• April was an interesting month - and not only because of all the crappy weather we had. I hate using the word epic to describe the month, but I'm not sure what other word I would use. Despite the fact that nothing truly outstanding really happened, and furthermore a few not so great things occurred, it was one of the best months I've had in a long time. I hope May turns out to be the same way.

• Every night before I go to sleep, I pause for a moment to reflect on the things I'm striving to achieve and the ways I'm already blessed. I remind myself to stay focused so I can make the "impossible," possible and at the same time remind myself of all the great things I already have so I don't get down about what I do not have in my life.

• With that said, recently I've had a few moments where I've wondered if what I'm striving for is what I really want. I mean, it is, otherwise I wouldn't be putting so much time, effort and energy into everything. However, if I actually get to where I wish to go I will have to make some hefty sacrifices for the next couple of years. Additionally, there are future risks that come with traveling this path. All these thoughts might very well be a result of the merry-go-round schedule I've been keeping the past month or so that has me exhausted by the end of the day. However, thinking this way does concern me a bit.

• The past couple of days I've had a few things happen that I thought would only happen if "hell were to freeze over." This gets me thinking maybe the things that seem so far out of reach might actually happen. I guess time will tell.

• By now everyone is aware of the big news from Sunday evening. It disturbed me how people were celebrating. I like this quote the Sarcasm Society posted on Facebook, "I wish there was irony in celebrating the death of a person who celebrated the death of others." To some extent I understand people being happy about this, but I think it was overkill. The reality of what happened is that we got the person responsible for the 9/11 attacks, but that doesn't mean the world is now as safe as we'd like it to be.

• Random Fact About Me #1000: I'm a Star Wars geek. I <3 Star Wars so much! I don't know a bunch of trivia like some SW fans do, but I would have no problem watching all the movies back-to-back in one sitting. Actually, I would love to have a Star Wars movie night sometime. #HappyStarWarsDay!

• "Risking our hearts is why we're alive and the last thing you want is to look back and wonder if only." ~ from the tv show Castle

• I looked away for a brief moment and all the sudden the watched pots began to simmer a bit. This means (hopefully) they will be boiling over soon and I will have the answers I've been waiting for. Part of me is happy about this. The other nervous. I'm trying to go back to not thinking about these pots so I can remain calm, cool and collected.

• Apparently I make my check marks backwards. I thought this was "normal" for all leftys, but apparently it isn't. Guess this is just another way I'm unique and different.

• Retraction: Looking back on my "Music!" post I'm thinking saying that this song thing was opening me up to criticism and ridicule was a bit too much.

• Shifting perspective can do wonders for ones attitude.


Until later . . .

30 Day Song Challenge: So Sad

Typically, I stay away from sad songs if I can. However, for Day Four of the 30 Day Song Challenge I need to post a song that "makes me sad." This is one song I like, but don't really listen to because it makes me sad . . .

Until later . . .

30 Day Song Challenge: Be Happy!

The 30 Day Song Challenge continues with a song that makes me happy.

Picking the one song that never fails to make me happy was a bit difficult. At first, I didn't think that there was such a song.

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.

All I have to do is hear the first four notes of this song and I'm guaranteed to smile . . . Remember I mentioned yesterday that I was boppin' along to tunes on my iPod while walking around the city? Guess what song I was listening too . . .

Sadly, I couldn't find a good video on YouTube for this song, but personally I don't think it needs one.

Take it away Stevie!

Until later . . .

Music!

If you've been in downtown Chicago lately and happen to have seen a short, burnette boppin' along while walking then that means you've seen me recently. It's not a secret how much I love music, and as I mentioned above, apparently I seem to have forgotten that when one is out in public it is not normal to groove (for lack of a better word) to tunes no matter how much you are enjoying them.

In the days that followed my father's death, I overheard my mom mentioning that she could not go without music like the Jewish faith told us we were suppose to do after the passing of a family member. At the time I wasn't sure what she was talking about or why she felt that way. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed music even as a child, but it didn't have the same role in my life as it does today. As I sit here today I now understand why my mom felt the way she did. I do not mean to offend others who abide by this commandment, or be disrespectful to my faith; however, personally speaking music is one of the things that gets me through the bad times, good times and everything in-between.

Over time my musics tastes have changed as I'm sure they do for many. Over the past couple of years or so I've made a conscious effort to expose myself to all different sorts of genres and not just the same ol' same. In some cases, this has meant rediscovering types of music I once enjoyed, but swept aside for whatever reason. In other ways it's meant falling in love with new bands and artists for the first time.

All this leads to me to the 30 Day Music Challenge that I've decided join. It's a thing on Facebook where you post a YouTube video that corresponds to a song you associate with song of the day. For example - a song played at your prom. (That's not actually on the list, but I think it helps you get the point.)

As with the "Things About Me" list, I decided to put my music choices for this challenge out on this blog as well. I know this means my music tastes are open for public criticism and ridicule, but that is what it is. I guess I just look at music the same way I look at any creative endeavor - subjective and open to individual taste.

My intent was to post the first video yesterday, but current events distracted me from posting anything to this blog. As a result, this post is super-sized with Days One and Two.

Day One: Your Favorite Song

My favorite song varies at any given point in time. Since one of the very last days of this challenge asks you about your favorite song last year I figure I will make this request my current favorite song. Or, in other word - the song that currently is being played over and over and over again on my iPod.

Day Two: Your Least Favorite Song

The reason I don't like this song has to do with the fact that I associate it with a former college love. I'm not saying I was head-over-heels for this song in the first place, but all theses year later I still cannot listen to this song without thinking of this person. To protect the guilty I will leave out the details as to why they made this song one I wish to forget. Thankfully, the reaction I have to this song has lessened overtime.

Until later . . .