Be Careful What You Wish For

... because you just might get it.

It's an age-old adage - and one that popped into my head as soon as the words came out of my mouth.

"If he had cheated on me it would have been easier to end it." Those were my words. (Or, at least a paraphrase of what I said.) A 5-year relationship was ending because we had differences that couldn't get worked-out and I felt that had he cheated on me it would have made things "easier."

Fast-forward . . .

Sadly, I've been cheated on since then and I'm here to say it doesn't make it as easy as I had once proclaimed it would. Actually, to some extent I feel it made things harder.

Maybe it had something to do with the amount of lies involved in the cheating, loss of trust or even the fact that one party decided to stray rather than trying to work things out. At least in the former life, we gave it the old college try by seeking outside help. This time around, not so much.

Ever since her first book "Something Borrowed," I've been a dedicated fan of Emily Giffin's. So, when I heard about the release of her fifth book - "Heart of the Matter" - I was beyond excited. I had attended a book signing in her hometown of Naperville, IL two years prior and planned with much anticipation to attend this time around as well. Not even bad weather would stop me.

In the weeks leading up to the book signing, I feverishly scoped out as many reviews and press releases on HOTM as I could. It was upon reading the first review that I found out what the book was about and in that moment, my excitement became dampened. Without giving out too many spoilers, the book is about infidelity, forgiveness and trust. It's about the moments in life that change the course of our life and the decisions we make that aren't necessarily on the up and up or lead us to the bumps in the road we'd rather avoid.

The book signing came and went. (This past May to be exact.) Since that time the book has sat patiently on my dining room table waiting to be cracked open, but I couldn't do it. I was afraid of what the words inside the hardcover binding said and the memories it might bring to the surface of my soul. Recently I decided it was time to face the words had dreaded all this time . . .


For me, HOTM encompasses so much more then any review I have read thus far can even express. From start to finish, this story took me on a journey through a point-in-(my life)time that I have otherwise chosen to try to forget. Or, at the very least not dwell on and let mandate my present. (A task at which I do not always succeed.) Though the events are not identical the authenticity of the story is amazing. As the story progressed I often found myself thinking, "Exactly!" or "Yep, that's how they all respond or rationalize their actions." I found myself trying to feel sympathy for the cheatee, but knew my bias point-of-view would never allow me to fully understand her plight. And, at times, Ms. Giffin's words stopped me dead-in-tracks wanting to know how she knew exactly how I had felt or had been thinking. Overall, the story made me question who was really to blame in this triangle. . . the cheater? The cheatee? The cheated? Or, how about all three? (BFF and I had a few intense e-mail exchanges on this one!) However, more importantly for me this book's story has served as a stepping stone to understanding and managing my own feeling about what happened to me all those years ago. Furthermore, I solidified my belief that there is nothing "easy" about ending a relationship no matter how "cut and dry" the answers may seem. Every decision leads you down a different path and it is where your heart leads you that often dictates the direction you take. Also, it has given me a sneak-peek (of sorts) into the minds of the offending parties - a perspective I've never been privy to before. It made me start to wonder for a moment what types of justifications I would have gotten from the cheater and cheatee had I ever gotten their take on things.

Lastly, I'd like to think that all this has (potentially) taken me another step closer to forgiving the "supporting cast" of my story, but I can't say, with confidence, that it has or that I ever will forgive them. What I can say, with confidence, is that it has made me more cognizant of how much my heart has truly mended since everything took place and the strides I've taken in opening up to the idea that there are truly good (worthy) people out there that deserve a place in my life, and heart, more than those that had their chance.

Until later . . .