Thank You Mr. B!

This week's Thursday Blog topic is one that I have been thinking about a lot lately. Melissa asked the group to answer the following question: Who was your favorite teacher (any year of school) and why?

I'm amending this topic ever so slightly... I'm going to talk about the teacher who had the greatest impact on me.

First and foremost, I'd like to say at first I was going to write about several teachers. I've had many that I have learned lessons from; however, one teacher stuck stood out amongst the rest - Mr. Berardi, my Jr. High Physical Education teacher.

I laugh when I think about this because I don't have a good history with PE class. Honestly, it was in the top three classes that I liked the least. Math and Science (of any kind) occupied the top two spots - and what spot those subjects occupied was dependent upon what particular class I was taking at the time. They were basically interchangeable. However, PE always occupied spot three.

So, if this was one of my top three classes I liked the least you're probably asking yourself why I singling out my PE teacher as the one who had the greatest impact on me. Well, you have to know Mr. B to understand. When I look back upon my years in school I remember Mr. B for two reasons:

The first had to do with the mile run fitness test we were required to take twice a year. Yes, require. Twice a year we would go out to the Soccer field for said test. Once you completed four laps around (1 mile) you could go back to the school and change. I dreaded this test because I had NO ... I repeat NO endurance and could barely run half a mile let alone 1 mile. With that in mind I would typically start off said test running and then quickly slow-down to a fast-ish walk. I picked up my speed when I was nearing Mr B. and then slowed down again. All in all, I think I completed this test in somewhere around 20 minutes.


Periodically, as time has passed I keep going back to those one mile fitness tests. Sometimes it had to do with the fact that I was reminiscing with others on various school related stories with had, but on many occasions it had to do with the fact that I was recalling the way Mr. B would encourage us to not give-up, and to try as hard as we could. It wasn't something I bought into at the time, but as I matured (and my tenacious nature became more apparent) it stuck with me. It reminded me in the hardest of times to keep fighting.

As I train for my first 5K I think back to those one mile fitness tests and Mr. B's encourage a lot. Sometimes it makes me laugh. Especially since running is something I love to do and not just another school PE class requirement. It's hard for me to imagine there was ever a time I didn't enjoying it. I think about how one mile is not longer a struggle for me and how I am now all consumed with hitting that three mile mark. I think about Mr. B's word of encouragement as I negotiate with myself whether or not I'm going to quit or keep pushing on for just a little bit longer.

The second reason Mr. B stands-out amongst the many, many teachers I've had over the years has to do with his compassion and genuine interest in his student's well-being. This became apparent to me after my dad's passing. Can't recall the conversation verbatim, but it is the only conversation I remember having with any of my teachers at the time. This is not to say my other teachers didn't express their concern for me, however there was something about Mr. B that stood out amongst the rest of them. Maybe it had to do with the fact that he was the last teacher I expected to say something to me about it. He never struck me as the teacher you would talk to about personal matters.

At least a year ago I friended Mr. B on Facebook. He is now retired and living in another state. As I would imagine, he is friended with a lot of his old student who adore him as much as I do. In the end I think this goes back to one of the greatest lessons I realized last year - you can never really anticipate who will have a significant impact on your life and what that impact may be. I'm thankful to have had Mr. B as a teacher and will never forget the lessons I learned.


Now that I've talked about a teacher who had a great impact on my life, I encourage you to read what my fellow bloggers have to say:

• Merryland Girl (Melissa)

• Mom of Many (Susanna)

• Momarock (Sara)

This Baby Got Back

For as long as I can remember I've carried the majority of my weight in the lower half of my body. With the passing of time I've gotten mixed messages about this fact - On many occasions I've been called a "fat-ass" or made fun of because of the way my body is shaped. On others, I've been ogled by men because of it.

Like I said, mixed messages . . .

As for my feelings towards my body shape, well, that is varied. If I had to pin-point the times I felt the worst about it I would tell you it's when I'm shopping for clothes. I feel bad when I fall in love with a dress and then it just looks awful on me because of my shape. Oh, don't get me started on shopping for pants. This year I had to go jeans shopping for the first time in many, many, many years. The first attempt didn't go so well and I felt fortunate enough that I left the fitting room with my self-esteem in tact. (Thankfully, it didn't take long for me to find not only one, but two pairs of jeans that made me fall in love with my body again.)

So, why am I talking about something so uber personal? Especially considering the topic of body image is one I have deliberately steered clear of since I started this blog three years ago.

This week Sara, the Thursday Blogging Project resident Momarock, asked us to discuss our thoughts on plastic surgery. Her exact questions were: Would you consider plastic surgery? If so, what type? Why would you, or why wouldn't you?

***SIGH***

Recently, I voluntarily stepped on a scale. Typically I save this activity for my annual check-up. I feel putting a number to this part of life only exacerbates any negative body image issues I may have. I say all this knowing that I'm not a big person. If I had to describe my body type I'd classify myself as average with curves. However, my weight and body shape have been an issue my whole life. Even as a child I was told I was fat and not the right weight for my height. Additionally, I was also teased about my body shape. As a result I'm an adult who struggles to walk on the higher side of the line between having a positive and negative body image.

At times, I secretly wish I could afford liposuction to get rid of the problem in the blink of an eye. Then, I realize that my wish is something I do not really wish for. See, as much as I'd like to believe that I believe in plastic surgery the truth is I don't. Or, at least I don't believe it is the right way to achieve a desired physical transformation. In other words, I don't believe it takes the place of diet and exercise.

Two months ago when I started running again I did so with the intention of achieving the goal of running a 5K. About a week or two into training I made the decision to start doing weight training as well. I had come to the realization that by combining the cardio from my runs with strength training I could achieve a new goal that had surfaced - I wanted to look as good on the outside as I currently feel on the inside. Ultimately, I know that once I reach "my" ideal weight and tone a few muscles, that have needed a bit of toning for sometime, I will feel a thousand times better about the change than had I just thrown some money at the problem by getting surgery.

With that in mind, there are a few exceptions to my beliefs regarding plastic surgery. If it were to help with a health issue such as breast reduction surgery or helping a burn victim then I am all for it. I just don't see it as "plastic surgery." To me it's more like reconstructing a life.

It's when people, mostly women, use it to create the ideal body or try to defy the aging process that I begin to have a problem with it. I guess one could argue that it helps one self-esteem and psychological well-being, but no matter how perfect you may look on the outside I honestly believe it isn't the cure for feeling great on the inside.

Now that you've read about my thoughts on plastic surgery, this "baby with back" encourages you to read what my fellow bloggers have to say on the topic:

• Momarock (Sara)

• Merryland Girl (Melissa)

• Mom of Many (Susanna)

Until later . . .

That Was Then; This Is Now

A few weeks ago it hit me.

I don’t think about it often. Only when I have one of those “how long have we known each other” conversation with one of my friends I’ve known what seems like forever. That’s when I go into the “normal” train of thought to figure out that answer. It starts out something like:

“Well, I’ve been back here since August 2001 . . .“


This week, for the Thursday blog topic I asked the group to do a little retrospective on the past decade of their life. I asked them to think about things like if they are where they thought they’d be, what’s the biggest surprise, etc.

The timing for this post is not a coincidence. It was about this time 10 years ago I was running around like a chicken with its head cut off getting the last minute details together for my big move back to the Chicagoland area. Questions like:

• Did AgmanB have his ticket to Portland?

• Were my middle brother and sil sorry they had offered to house me after seeing all the boxes I shipped arrive on a daily basis?

And most importantly, in the back of my mind, I questioned if I was doing the right by moving back home. I was picking up the pieces from a life fail and it felt as though I was doing something cliché by running back to what seemed like a security blanket – HOME.

Asking AgmanB to keep me company on the drive home was a risk. We were friends from high school, but hadn’t spent any significant amount of time together. What if we had nothing to talk about for four whole days? Thankfully, that wasn’t the case. Actually, I think I picked the right person. AgmanB served as our entertainment director most of the time as I really love to drive. I can’t remember what we talked about, but I don’t recall there being any awkwardness or uncomfortable pauses in conversation. He kept things light-hearted which was perfect given the heavy nature of what was compelling me flee Portland.

“That Was Then”


The first couple of months… years… after moving back home were really about establishing myself again. Sure I had a built-in social network, but I didn’t want to rely on that for all my social activity. I knew I would have to branch out and development new friendships. However, that didn’t stop me from spending lots of time with BFF, AgManB and D – amongst others – at first. As time went on I'd make friends that were mine. People I had met on my own without the help of others. This was the first time in a long time this was the case. During my college and post-college years I had depended on one person in particular to make friends. Don’t get me wrong, I met some nice people this way; however, I wanted "my friends."

The other thing I wanted from this new life I was putting together was to go back to school for a graduate degree. I wasn’t sure in exactly what subject matter that degree would be, but I wanted to go back to school. Along those lines, I also wanted to explore a career in Human Resources. I was two years out of school and I didn’t feel the whole Public Relations track was possibility and HR had been something I was interested in as well. Last, but in no way least - I wanted my life to be an adventure. Up until that point, I hadn't tried anything adventurous. I played life VERY safe. It was time to take some chances and live life to the fullest.



This Is Now

I can tell you all about the cool stuff I've done over and goals I've accomplished over the past ten years like - traveling to Israel, nights out partying with my peeps, establishing myself as an Human Resource professional, etc.; however, the true significance in this ten year mile marker lies in the events of, and years following, 2008.

By far, 2008 was the hardest year I went through in the past ten years. Things I never would have imagined happening happened to me. However, when I look back at that year it was probably one of the best things that happened to me. In retrospect I look at 2008 as a wake-up call. I hadn't realized how far from away from "myself" I had traveled until everything went down.

For that matter, I didn't realize how far I had traveled away from myself until I recently got back to being "myself" again. I've talked a lot about this on this blog over the past months. Mainly because I was gone from this place for so long that my appreciation for who I am is even that much greater than it was before.

My career isn't where I want it to be - or for that matter where I thought it would be at this point in my life. There are aspects of my personal life that I would like to be different than they are momentarily. Also, if given a choice I wouldn't have gone through the events of 2008. However, despite those things I still thankful for the past decade of my life.

The young girl who drove cross-country to her security blanket is now a grown, mature woman who is thankful for what she does have and not as focused on what she doesn't. There is hope in her life for a even better tomorrow and an appreciation for all the experiences - good and bad - that she has had.

The last ten years have truly been an adventure. I will never forget them. However, I'm ready to put them to rest and look ahead to the future.


Now that I've talked about thoughts on the last ten years, please take a moment to see what my fellow bloggers have to say on the topic:

• Merryland Girl (Melissa)

• Mom of Many (Susanna)

• Momarock (Sara)

"Lose Yourself"

There is great emotion wrapped around this week's Thursday blog topic . . .

This week, Mom of Many - Susanna - asked us: What is your theme song? Is this song always your theme song or does it change based on the circumstances?

To date I believe I've written on this topic at least twice. Once during last year's blog project and, more recently, in May during the 30 days of Music Challenge. However, this time around I have yet another song to discuss.

So why do I say there is emotion wrapped around this topic?

When we got the topic for this week I was excited to write about it. The song I choose is one I've been listening to for years. When it was released in 2002 I was going through my second running phase. Back then I didn't have an MP3 player that allowed me to constantly loop the song so I was always thrilled to hear it when it came on the radio while I was running.

Recently, as I'm getting back into running this is a song I listen to often - especially when I'm at the point I want to just give-up. This song inspires me to stay in the game. (I think I once looped this song three times in a row during a run.)

On Tuesday evening I got some news that I was not pleased to receive. Actually it upset me a lot and it made me feel like somewhat of a failure. That's when my excitement towards writing this post did a 360. I wasn't sure how I was going to genuinely write about this song yet feel like I did about the news I received.

See, the song I choose is Eminem's "Lose Yourself."



Aside from having intense lyrics and a great beat the message of the song comes across crystal clear to me. It speaks to my tenacious nature. As a result, it inspires me.

My favorite line of the song is:

"Success is my only motherfucking option; failures not."

Profanity aside, I actually will scan back (or forward) to that spot in the song because it moves me so much. I keep it in the back of my mind when things get tough and I'm ready to give-up.

So I return back to the question: How do I write about this song that inspires me yet still stay true to how I am feeling? Furthermore - How do I write about this song when I sit here trying to determine if it is time to give-up? How will I write about this song when I don't know how it fits into this situation?

Thankfully it hasn't taken me long to come-up with some answers to the dilemma at hand. I'm beginning to find success within the perceived failure. I guess if anything, all this has taught me to dig deeper and to go beyond the surface of things.

I repeat: "Success is my only motherfucking option; failures not."

So, "Lose Yourself!"


Now that I have shared with you my life theme song, please take a moment to check out what my other fellow bloggers have to say about their life theme songs:



• Mom of Many (Susanna)

• Merryland Girl (Melissa)

• Momarock (Sara)


Until later . . .

Everyone Has A Theory

• This month has been the month of theories. I have my own theories about things. Maybe that part has to do with the fact that I'm also opinionated - who knows.

Anyhow, most of the theories that have been tossed around amongst my friends have to do with dating. Ah yes, dating ... such a great subject to discuss. One of the girls I met this month said she's at the point with dating that she's putting her brother's theories about dating to the test. Interesting approach.

There is more I can say about theories, but I'm going to leave that I look forward to hearing more theories others feel so inclined to share with me


• I've noticed I write a lot of these lists late on Wednesday evening. I realized this is the case because this is when I start to think about what I'm going to write for my Thursday blogging group post. Or, in other words - I'm procrastinating.

Tonight is not an exception.

• Ok, so there was suckage going on yesterday; however, there was a HELL FROZE OVER moment. Those come so far and few between that I feel the need to pause and recognize them.

Actually I'm shocked my train buddy didn't reply to my text about it because it was he who made an optimistic "joke" that this would happen and then made a serious comment about what turned out to the source of all suckage for the past 24 hours. Or, in other word, what both of us thought would most likely not happened, happened. However, what we both thought would happen, didn't happen.

All this comes down to is - the universe is all twisted upside down, anything is possible and expect the unexpected.

(Why do I feel like this the lesson I said I learned last year?)

• This summer I've spent more time in sundresses than I have in years. I always say I'm a closeted girly girl... well, my girly girl ways are no longer a secret. Kind of scary...

• On that note, I recently learned that running in a dress while carrying a heavy backpack is, well... somewhat challenging.

• I need a derby name. I have a few ideas, but none of them incorporate "froggie" into them and it just feels wrong. Suggestions are welcome.

• Going back to the idea of theories .... A lot of people have theories on what makes me happy... and why I'm happy now. My mom ultimately believes that the only time I'm happy is if I'm dating someone. Sorry mom - that isn't the case. Then there are those that think if I have a job that makes me happy - hmmm . . . strike two.

Ultimately isn't what is most important the fact that someone is happy and not what makes them happy? Food for thought . . .

• Plan C. I don't talk much about "plan c." Or should I say I haven't talked much about plan c?! Either way, it's time to bring it up. (Yes, now I'm circling even farther back - circa November 2010.)

I've spent so much time focusing on plan b that plan c just became a joke to laugh at when I shared the story of plans a, b and C. Yesterday and today there has been a lot of talk about "plan c" as it applies to my life AND in a another context. I mean, who really picks-up there life, put it all in a storage locker and then goes to travel the world without a real purpose in mind?

I use to laugh when I thought of plan c, now I don't. Not because of how it applies to my life directly, but how it is taking on a life of it's own in an unexpected way. There is that word again - unexpected.

Life is funny like that . . .

• I'm still in search of an EPIC hamburger. In the meantime, I'm eating a lot of ok burgers. One day I will force myself to sit down and Yelp all the places I've been in 2011 which includes all these hamburger places.

I just hope that I can find somewhere in the Chicagoland area and it won't take a trip to LA to find a good burger. Not that I don't want to go to LA. I would just like to find a local place I can visit on a more regular basis.

• I've decided on a race that I'm going to make my first 5K. I say first because there is a second one planned for March. I think I'm repeating myself from my last "thoughts" post, but I could be wrong. No, I am in fact repeating myself.. oh well!

Either way, I'm amazed how this whole running thing has taken on a life of it's own. I am truly addicted. I want to run every night,but I don't. Also, all this running inspired one of my friends to start running which I think is cool. Or, at least I think it inspired them ... I could be wrong.

• I have tan lines on my feet. I didn't know you could get tan lines on your feet. I guess that is what happens when you wear flip flops all day. I know - go me!

• I just realized I haven't been skydiving in two years. That is too long. I may have to call B and schedule a time for us to go jump.

• I'm not allowed to read e-mail late, late at night or when I've had very little sleep. I interpret things a lot different. My sense of humor is typically not present during these times and that can cause a lot of misunderstanding.

I'm sure there is more to write - as always. I will think of it after I hit the "publish" button. However, it's late.

Until later . . .