Passive Aggressive Thoughts?

For sometime I've wanted to use "Passive Aggressive Thoughts" as a subject for one of these thoughts posts.

As time went by I found myself wanting to talk about this idea of how these thoughts posts could been seen as passive aggressive. That has since flowed into how blogging can be passive aggressive...

I believe blogging itself can be a passive aggressive activity if you want it to be. If you know who your audience is, or potentially who they may be, it's easy to tailor the message of your post to a particular party(ies) rather than face them directly.

When I first started this blog I will admit there were posts that were passive aggressive. When I look back on them I'm not proud of this fact, but I am mature enough to admit what it was I was doing. I guess at the very least I am proud I can recognize that simple fact.

I am also proud of how open I've become on this blog. Over the past couple of weeks I've written in some depth about topics I would not have ever written about even last year. I am thankful that I can do this. I am thankful that I have the confidence to write about personal matters in a way that I feel others can relate too, yet do not complete violate the privacy I hold so dear. With that said, these days, any passive aggressive thoughts expressed on this blog are not on purpose. More so they are the result of wanting to express some thoughts I have openly, but not as openly as I would others. These are the thoughts are about things that are truly personal - and a lot of times emotional.

I guess that was my first "thought" for this post... With that in mind, it's time to get to the others -- others that I hope aren't passive aggressive either:


• I don't really know any of my neighbors, and they really don't know me. However, this morning when I was locked out of my place one of them was kind enough to offer to help me. It was really thoughtful and kind - especially since the whole situation made me run late which just added to my frustration.

• To add to my day, I got yelled at - twice - for something I didn't even know about. Even when I tried to explain why I wasn't sure I got yelled at even more. When I told a few people about all this later on in the day their reply was, "It's been over a week and you've only been yelled at twice.... You're lucky!"

• Three years ago knitting saved me from the craptaism going on in my life. It sounds overly dramatic to say, but it's very true. Nowadays it's not knitting that saves me from craptaism, it's running and derby.

I started to run again because I remembered it was something that made me happy. I decided that doing things that made me happy would help me remain happy when things craptastically sucked.

As for derby.... my venturing back into the world of skating started back in January when I went ice skating. I was like a little kid again. It was the best three or so hours of my life. (At least at that moment in time.) Then, when I got back on roller skates again... I was in heaven! Nine years ago I turned in my skates (at the time roller-blades) because of an epic fall I took while blading. I wish I hadn't let that fall make me so scared to get back on skates again. I keep remembering that whenever I take a fall. I don't want that to be the case again as I've totally been bitten...

• While I was skating this weekend I found myself thinking that the next guy who's lucky enough to call me his girlfriend has to be able to deal with all this derby stuff. Furthermore, it would be rad if he were to like skating (ice and/or roller) himself.

• For the longest time my wedding dress was at my former neighbor's home where I had left it the day I moved out of my old home. Then after I picked it up it lived in the trunk of my car for sometime. After that in a closet in my place. On several occasions I've tried to figure out where to donate it too. Goodwill? Salvation Army? Consignment shop? Recently, as I was cleaning stuff out I came across it and wondered why I still had it. I put it in a pile with all my donation items. I felt that was the best way to finally commit to getting rid of it. Finally, I found someone to take my wedding dress. Someone I knew who is studying fashion design. They are excited to be getting it and I'm pleased that I can help them out. I'm glad they will be able to use the fabric and give it new life.

However, even more so, I'm excited to get it out of my life - FINALLY! There is no place for it in my life anymore. There hasn't been for sometime.

• This is one of those times I might be passive aggressive. It's something that I get a bit emotional about. I'm still trying to reconcile the fact that I still care. Especially since I realize though I still hold hope of a second chance, but realistically know that its potential is slim. Whatever happens I'm trying to remind myself that this is the way it's suppose to be.

• I spent two hours in my car this evening. It took me TWO HOURS to get home. I wasn't pleased, but I manged. As a "reward" I treated myself to a bad-for-me dinner. As I walked to my place I spotted a new friend I refer to as "The Twin." (A long story that I might tell one day.)

The Twin and I randomly bump into each other now and then.... I guess this was one of those times. When I saw The Twin I decided it was ok my commute had taken so long, otherwise we probably wouldn't have seen each other. I guess things happen for a reason?

• Kind of circling back to when life is craptastic . . . when I'm down and out I have a tendency to withdraw. I make the decision for others that they don't want to be around me. I want to say that I am extremely thankful for those that remind me why I shouldn't do this and furthermore those that make sure I don't do this - or at least don't do it for too long.

• Elephants. There are a lot of elephant cliches going around these days; mainly between BFF and I. There is a "purple suede elephant" in my life that I really want out of the room, but I just can't seem to make it move. Hopefully this will change soon ....

Ok, though I'm not sure that I've totally accomplished what I wanted to with this topic, I think that is all for now. It's late, I'm tired and I have an early morning. So possibly I will revisit the topic, however for now I will say ....

Until later . . .