I Couldn't

I couldn't let the week go by without at least one post on forgiveness since we're still in the period between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. Though I haven't said much here about it, but the subject matter has been at the forefront of my thoughts this week.

The other day, I wrote this long, drawn-out e-mail to a good friend of mine that went on and on and on about the sermons I had listened to last Friday evening and Saturday morning. (I believe I mentioned in an earlier post, what both Rabbis' had to say this year really struck a nerve buried deep within me. If not, they struck a nerve within me.) I gave my friend the Cliff Notes version on the sermons and then said that I am amongst those that I feel the need to extend forgiveness too this year and didn't really know how that works.

How do you go about asking yourself to forgive yourself for the sins you've committed against yourself? How do you give yourself forgiveness? And furthermore, how do you go about explaining all your questions without confusing the hell out of yourself - and others?

Yes, there are sins I feel that I have committed against myself this past year and I acknowledge them for what they are; and aren't, but that still doesn't put my mind at rest.

The only words my friend could offer me were, "I keep trying to be as compassionate and understanding to myself as I would be to someone else, but that's hard." Yes, that is a very true statement. It is hard to be as compassionate towards ourselves as we are to others. Especially when we expect so much out of ourselves and our lives.

In speaking with BFF about all this she referred me back to the ceremony of Tashlich (throwing bread in the water to cast off our sins). The idea behind the ceremony is that we have put the past in the past and now move forward with the future. Hmmm. . . I had never participated in this ritual. The more I thought about this ritual the more I wondered if it really worked. By the point we had had this conversation it was too late for me to participate in this tradition. Or, at least participate in it in the traditional sense as the first afternoon of Rosh Hashanah came and went about a week ago. Does this mean it's too late to do this? I guess it's one of those things that if you wish to do it anytime is better than not.

I really have no profound ending to this post. This year's reflection is a lot different from the last and I'm sure next year's will be different from today's. At the end of the day I just hope I don't forget the things I've pondered this past week and I actively try to apply the things I've learned as much as possible in the coming year. Failing to do so, in my eyes, would be the bigger problem than the sins themselves.

Until later . . .