Stepping Back

As my birthday nears I usually start to take stock of the current state of affairs in my life and take a glance back to see what all has taken place over the past months/year. With all that has been going on lately in my life I find myself doing this a bit more than usual these days.

It's truly been a crazy and somewhat eventful year. It's been another year of stress, strain and concern. However, there have been some good thing as well that I don't recognize as often as I should.

During this last flash - back/current/forward I've put a lot of things into perspective (again). It also prompted a new goal list - mostly short term stuff, but it's better than having no goals at all. I've been functioning on the fly for almost two years now and as nice as it is to not really plan out anything and just take things as they come there is something nice about having goals to work towards accomplishing. During this process I came to the expected conclusion that going back to school (again) will be necessary for me to take my career to its next destination. This won't come as shock to a lot of people who know me. I haven't exactly hidden where my professional interests and aspirations are taking me these days. The special project I worked on this past August and a project I will be working on soon just confirmed what I already knew. I use to joke that it would be nice to be a professional student. Lately, my jokes are seeming to be reality. Guess the joke is on me. The when and how of this realization are still in question. It's just nice to know the what portion at the very least.

As for other goals - learning to sky dive solo share the top spot. Unfortunately, I have to wait until spring at the very least for at these top two items. The chilly fall/winter weather doesn't work well for what I want to learn. So, in the meantime I will be keeping warm inside and working on fine-tuning my knitting skills.

I guess the above is all about looking forward. There is still the matters of back and current. I try not to look back, but it's hard not too. How can you not when it's played such an influential role in the current view of things? I'd like to think that I would have done the things I have over the past year or so had the past been different for me, but there is no way to really tell. I'd also like to think I'd have the great friends I do as well. Actually, I would bet dollars to donuts I'd at least be friends with KP - or at the very least met her. I guess this is one time I can say "it is what it is" without feeling like it's a cop-out statement. That is one thing that truly is what it is.

A year later my original "fear list" is pretty much down to one big item (and one small one). My fear of sewing machines was conquered a few months ago. I was very proud of myself. I feel dorky when I say that, but I've been afraid of them since the unfortunately home economics accident in 6th grade. That was over twenty years ago - I've earned a moment of recognition! As for the "big" fear, I don't know that I'll ever get the chance to face it. Or, if it's really a fear anymore. I think now it's just something I consider doing from time-to-time. Maybe it's better left untouched, but there is a part of me that feels the need to face it. Only time will tell I guess. If I've learned one thing, I don't make any declarations of certainty like I use - at least when it comes to certain subjects.

It's amazing how you can change your mind over time.

Until later . . .