Adding The Twist

I got so engrossed in writing my last post that I forgot to add the "twist." As much as I don't really want to revisit this topic, I feel the need complete what I started. So here it goes . . .


According to Wikipedia -

The definition of Abuse is:

• Improper treatment or usage; application to a wrong or bad purpose; misuse; perversion.
• Physical or verbal maltreatment; injury.
• Sexual assault; violation; rape.
• An unjust, corrupt or wrongful practice or custom; offense; crime; fault.
• Coarse, insulting speech; abusive language.


The definition of Bullying is:

A form of abuse that is repeated over time and involves a real or perceived imbalance of power with the more powerful individual or group comprises repeated acts abusing those who are less powerful. The power imbalance may be social power and/or physical power. The victim of bullying is sometimes referred to as a target.

There types of abuse bullies use are emotional, physical, verbal and subtle coercion such as psychological manipulation.


I had some words to write about this topic, then I came across this YouTube video on the blog The Purple Moose Gazette and felt is said a hell of a lot more then I can at this time.





Until later . . .

Bullying

When I exactly read it is a blur to me at this point. I believe it was the first time I woke up during my sleep the other night somewhere around the 3AM hour.

It was the wee-early morning I decided to see if I could find any good reads, so I checked my RSS Feed. That's when I found this post by Mel on her blog - Me!!! I have to say, there is nothing like reading a post about bullying at 3AM in the morning. After that post I didn't look at any other posts. So, it's understandable that I missed Jenn's post on the very same topic. I was very moved by both these blogs and felt it was very brave of both ladies to share their stories. Later in the day, I decided to take a stab at the topic. Except with a bit of twist.

My earliest memories of bullying happened in fourth/fifth grade. I began to develop before the others in my class and was bit on the chubby side. That paired with the fact that I was shy and sensitive made me an easy target for others to pick on - including my own group of friends. There was one other girl who was "bigger" than me, but no one targeted her because she would constantly beat people to the punch line of any jokes that could be made about her. Something I was not willing to do. On the outside, I mostly looked the other way. However, on the inside it was eating away at my spirit.

The first time I really had a clue my circle of friends at school were toxic was in the eighth grade. It was actually thanks to a boy who lived in our neighborhood and my school bus driver. There were four of us who all lived in the same neighborhood and rode the bus together. It was either early on in the year, or in the Spring - I can't really remember, when one of our members moved leaving only three of us. That meant someone didn't have anyone to sit with on the bus. That "someone" was deliberately me. Why deliberately me? Well, it then left the opportunity for Phil (real name not used) to sit with me - and torment me. One day, Phil sat next to me and started touching leg and commenting about how smooth or rough it was depending on whether I had shaved or not. Needless to say I tried to move, but I was sitting in the inner seat of the row and couldn't. Some days I tried sitting in the outer seat of the row or get a seat with someone else, but the game had become one played by everyone on the bus. What had started between Phil and my "friends" now had everyone on the bus involved. Now, you may be also wondering why I didn't get the bus driver involved. Well, aside from ignoring my loud, verbal requests for Phil to leave me alone and take his hand off me, the bus driver also ignored my direct requests from to take action. Apparently he felt his job was to just drive the bus. I can't remember how long this went on before I mentioned it to my mom, but I did eventually say something to my mom. We were talking a walk one evening and she noticed something was really wrong with me. She immediately took the matter to my school's Principal. Soon after I had a conversation with the Principal where he assured me Phil had been spoken to and punished. Additionally, that Phil would not be bothering me any longer. The fact that my "friends" didn't come to my rescue changed our relationship for the remainder of the year. After we all graduated my family moved out of the school district ( and not intentionally because of what happened). I would bump into one of my old "friends" once in awhile, but I exchanged very few, if any, words with her. I wouldn't really see this particular person or Phil until I was at a Jr. High reunion four years later after we had all graduated high school. As I was getting some food Phil said hi to me. I didn't speak a word to him, and I may have even may have flashed him what my friends now refer to as "the look of death." As for the "friend" who I had bumped into throughout high school . . . She tried to talk to me at the reunion as well. I wanted nothing to do with that conversation either so I got out of it as quickly as I could. She has since wrote me an apology for her actions towards me during those years and I have, to some degree, forgiven her. But it is not totally forgotten.

In high school, I also had friends who decided playing jokes on me was entertaining, but nothing that truly had as much of an impact as my Jr. High experiences.

As an adult, I see bullying all around me. I mean, just look at our media and its ridicule of celebrities. Now, I'm not going to play the perfect angel and say I've never made fun of someone famous, but I try to keep it to a minimum. If I am guilty of doing more than a little I ask my in real life friends to let me know. I would like to keep this in check. Furthermore, I think the extend to which celebrity ridicule plays out on TV, Tabloids and mainstream print is excessive and unnecessary. I also believe it reinforces the idea that bullying is ok for day-to-day people such as you and I. Oh, and don't forget about our kids as we are the ones they use as role models. Now, you may ask why I haven't singled out online web sites and communities as well. Don't worry, I'm getting there.

I think the internet has made the problem of bullying and abuse even worse. So much so that over the past years many states have passed cyber-bulliying laws so people are protected by such behavior online. I can't tell you the number of sites I've seen that are dedicated to making fun of others. On one social networking site I've been on, I see members constantly putting people down. When such comments and posts become less and less its member complain that the board is not as "interesting."

Lastly, there are bloggers out there that thrive on making fun of people - and I'm not talking about Perez Hilton people. I'm talking about everyday mean kids adults who think they are cooler than the rest of us. They think it's cool to rag on others imperfections and personality flaws by calling it "entertainment" or for that matter "the expression of their opinion." Call it what it is people - bullying/abuse.

When I started this blog I made a promise to myself that I would not use it as a forum to bitch and complain about others. I promised myself that if ever I wrote anything that was mean or disrespectful to anyone it would stay in my drafts file. Y'all don't need to read that. Y'all get enough of it in the real world. I believe I have done a good job of holding true to this promise. Trust me, there have been many, many chances for me to slam people, but I choose not too.

Again, if this is not the case, and you have seen/see something, on this blog you feel is inappropriate please let me know by either commenting on to blog (all comments are moderated so you can request not to have it published and I will honor your request), e-mailing me directly at froggie@froggieknitslikecrazy.com or telling me personally (if you know me in real life).

I hope at the very least something I have said in this post makes you stop and think for a moment on how you can add to the prevention of bullying. I also ask that you take a moment to read the posts published by Mel and Jenn.

Lastly, if you have a story of bullying that you'd like to share, but are afraid to post it on your own, public site, I encourage you check out the blog Leave me ALONE! Tales from the Front Lines. The mission of this site is to be a place where people who have been/or are currently being bullied can share their stories anonymously. The effects of bullying last long beyond the actions and only erode our society further. The bottom line: We all lose out if we don't stop this problem.

Until later . . .

Face Lift

Spring weather is right around the corner . . .

So I thought I'd give this page a little redesign. I anticipate there to be more changes in the days to come, but for now I'm pleased with it. I hope you like it as much as I do!

Until later . . .

There's Another One I Can Take Off The List

I can remember the exact incident that caused my fear of water slides, but I don't remember how old I was. All I know is that I whipped around that last turn WAY too fast and the punch in the stomach I felt was not pleasant at all. After that I was done with water slides. So, when KP's son insisted that I go on the water slides I was hesitant. I tried dancing around the water slide issue the whole time we were there and with 15 minutes of pool time left I almost made it out of that visit without HAVING to go on the water slide.

Then KP informed me that she said she'd go in my place to make her son happy. Then out of the blue a thought popped into my head . . .

"You know, I jump out of planes, but I won't go down a water slide. What's wrong with that?" I said with a confused look on my face.

That's when I went over to my things and put my sunglasses in my bag. I had decided to give the slide a chance.

I choose the open water slide for starters. After climbing the 800 stairs and waiting in a short line it was my turn. At first I just sat up, but by the end of the ride I was lying down. It was fun! So much so I went again. This time I was lying down from start to finish.

So, there it is, one more thing I can take off my "fear list." The list is now down to three things - I believe. Not that it was super long to start with, but it's kind of crazy that it is now only three things. I'm kind of proud of myself for tackling these things finally. At the same time I'm kind of sad that the list is almost completed.

I guess I need to make a new list.

Until later . . .

Life is Convoluted

I'm finding lately that sometimes I lack the right words and that's when I turn to others to say them for me - Crazy Aunt Purl - Maybe It Comes With Some Cracker Jack.

Though I know life would be boring with one of the decoder rings that CAP talks about, however sometime it sounds damn nice to have all the answers right in the palm of your hand - literally.

Until later . . .

Blogging Housekeeping

After my last post, I decided I wanted to do a little blog housekeeping. Simply put, I wanted to transfer my post about Joe Wishnoff to this blog. Back then I was not writing anything personal on this blog so it didn't seem right to post this entry here. However, this is now an equal opportunity blog. . . Below is what I wrote on July 19, 2008 about Joe:

My friend Joe Wishnoff, 29, passed away on Monday, July 14th from a 3 year battle with Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis (IPF). IPF is a rare lung disease that is causes the lung tissue to prematurely scar and age, making it extremely difficult to breathe. IPF is typically found in older adults - Joe was an unexplained exception. There is no cure or medication that helps and over time people with IPF become dependent an oxygen tank 24/7.

Since I hadn't talked to Joe in a really long time what I would learn at his funeral is that Joe was close to getting a double lung transplant. Something he had anticipated for sometime. However his chance for the next chapter in his life to begin didn't take place soon enough.

I know this is all sad, but Joe would not want you to be sad for him. See, Joe was about enjoying life to its fullest - even before he was diagnosed with IPF. After being diagnosed with IPF he continued to get the most out of life and didn't complain about the hand he had been dealt or feel sorry for himself. Despite his horrible circumstances, Joe would always be cracking jokes and making others feel good.

When I first met him I would have never known that he had this serious condition if it hadn't been for the person who introduced us telling me about it. I vividly recall telling that person that I had no clue it was him until we were formally introduced.

The last time I saw Joe was on my birthday back in 2007. We had bumped into each other on our way to the same place. It was during that encounter that I could honestly say was the first and only time I saw any sign of weakness or sadness about his situation. And, even then it wasn't something that would be obvious to anyone around us. The only reason I knew was from a simple comment he made to me as we traveled to our destination.

I think his aunt put it best at the memorial service when she said something to the effect of "Joe wasn't the lucky one to have all of us in his life; we were the lucky ones to have him in our life." How true that statement is! To me Joe was an example and inspiration of how one should live their life.

I aspire to be like Joe. He taught me to be thankful for everyday I have and to make the most of it. Also, he has showed me that feeling sorry for ones self doesn't get them far. It's taking life by the hand and making the most out of it that is the main objective. That our time here is priceless and no one really knows how much of it they have so why not make it the best possible. I never had the chance to tell Joe any of my thoughts (I haven't even told my closest family and friends until recently for that matter. I don't even think the person who introduced us knows any of this either). I hope Joe knew somehow the impact his life had on mine and that I will carry his spirit with me for the remainder of the days of my life.

There is a special place in my heart for Joe and in the hearts of all the lives he touched . . . R.I.P., Joe.

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