This Time It's Personal

I'm always surprised at the things that trigger memories. The things that trigger bad memories.

A few months back, I had to go for finger printing as part of a mandatory background check. In the days leading up to the printing I have to admit I was a bit anxious. My anxiety was very upsetting to me. I couldn't come-up with any valid reason I should be so upset about it - it was routine. The printing came and went. Afterward, as I was discussing the experience with a friend it hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew exactly why I had been so anxious. It wasn't the actual event itself or what "might" be found (there was nothing to be found). It was that the event had triggered memories of a not so pleasant experience.

This past Saturday, when I read the message about my friend's home I froze and an indescribable feeling had overcome me. I was actually with another friend and I just sat there staring at my computer screen. Over the first 24 hours or so, whenever I have talked about this situation I found myself getting really upset. Yesterday afternoon, I figured why this event had such an impact on me. What a relief! But wow! I would have never realized that something like this could make such a connection so quickly.

On many of an occasion I've been told emotional wounds heal over time. At the time the suggestion of such a thing was met by my very apparent cynical sarcasm - much to the chagrin of the messengers. However, truth be told, the internal optimist that resides inside me does believes those words to be accurate.

With that in mind, I don't think they fully go away. (As the above scenarios demonstrate.) I think once the wound has scabbed-over and a barely visible scar starts to reveals itself, there comes a time one must decide how that scar will become part of them. Will it hold them back? Or, will it serve as a reminder of how resilient they really are?

The Answer: Well, in your life that is up to you. Just like in mine it is up to me. But the important thing to realize is that it is a choice; not a certainty.

Until later . . .