"A Very Merry Unbirthday"

I was watching the animated version of "Alice In Wonderland" recently with two of my favorite little ones when the "Unbirthday" song scene came on.



How appropriate since today's Thursday topic is about birthday traditions! That's right. Jenn @ Charmingly Random asked us this week to right about our birthday tradition. Or, any tradition we have just in general if we didn't have a birthday tradition.

I have to admit I do LOVE the "unbirthday" song even though I am not a fan of the movie "Alice In Wonderland." It's a fun song and points out that we should celebrate us everyday. (I know! I know! I'm getting deep again. I promised this is the last hint of deep in this post - or at least I will try to keep it to a minimum.)

Whether I celebrate my birthday or not kind of depends on where I am in life. Most of the time I do want to celebrate in some capacity, but as I found this past year that isn't always the case. In 2009 I was very chill about my birthday and only did a few things for the occasion. On the actually day I kept a low profile and relaxed as much as I could. Truth be told, it was nice and just want the doctor ordered.

On this blog I've developed a tradition of sharing the events that transpire leading up to the day, the day before reflection and the day of post. The original day before post was a result of Facebook wishing me a happy birthday the day before. Not much of a reflection, but nonetheless it had a pre-birthday base. I was insistent about claiming my last hours at the age 32. The original day of post as a result of the pre-birthday post and a cute graphic. Additionally I like the whole "Froggie v. (insert number)." I think it speaks to my believe that I'm ever changing in the way I approach life. That said, I didn't really intend for it to be a "tradition." It was originally more or less something to post about. In 2009 it just seemed to be appropriate to repeat what I had started. Especially since I went on so much about the gift "drama" leading up to the day. I do believe as long as I have this blog I will continue this post.

As for other traditions . . . I can only think of two. I always anticipate snow on my birthday. It seems to be a tradition mother nature likes to keep - with the exception of years here and there. Additionally, I always pause around the time I was actually born. I don't know why, I just do. Maybe it's just a recognition of the fact there is no more denying I'm a year older.

For move birthday fun I encourage you to read my fellow bloggers thoughts on this topic:

Mel @ Me!!!

Shara @ Desperate Madness

Until later . . .

I'm A Happy Girl

I'll be honest, when Shara @ Desperate Madness asked us to write about the happiest moment we could remember my first thought was, "Great! what if we can't come up with anything?"

No, it's not that I don't have any happy memories or that there isn't one thing that makes me happy. I just wasn't exactly in a "happy" mindset at the time so my first reaction was just that - my first reaction.

After I got over it and had time to after ruminate I decided to attack this topic in a "different" way. Ok, so maybe my "different" approach is a bit of a cop-out (not as many words to put together), but this presentation does really represent a lot of happy memories.

The video montage below contains photos, and video, I've taken over the past two years (with the exception of one picture). All the things shown have happy memories attached to them in some way, shape or form. The music chosen is by an artist I enjoy listening too.
Shara - I'm dedicating this entry to you. Thank you for putting my mind in a happy place this week. When I came up with this idea I thought of you immediately because I know we both share a passion for photography.





Now that you have seen some of the things that make me "happy," you can see what makes my fellow bloggers happy as well:

Jenn @ Charmingly Random

Mel @ Me!!!


Until later . . .

Make A Decision And Don't Look Back?

Merriam-Webster online defines Regret as follows:

"1. a : to mourn the loss or death of b : to miss very much

2 : to be very sorry for "

I rarely regret my actions. Sorry for them, yes, regret them not necessarily. I believe things happen for a reason and make us who we are. In the long run, I believe I am a better person today than I was yesterday and will be a better person tomorrow than I am today because of my choices. Even the choices that may have not been the best ones. They have made me whom I am and I have learned from them. (At least in theory.)

So why look back? Well, I think it's only human to periodically look back and reflect on the past and wonder if the grass really would have been "greener on the other side."

This week, like on "This American Life," my Thursday post will be written in "acts." I'll be looking at some paths I didn't take in life that I periodically look back upon and think "what if?"

Act One: The Education Not Taken

Act Two: The Career Not Taken

Act Three: The Boy Not Taken


Act One: The Education Not Taken

Education.

As I mentioned last week, I love learning. If I could figure out a way to get paid to learn I would jump on the opportunity in a heartbeat.

I have never had much faith in myself academically and though I had solid grades, my SAT and ACT scores painted a different picture. (Have I mentioned my thoughts on standardized testing lately?)

Instead of taking a chance and applying to some of my "dream" colleges, I applied to those I was sure I'd be accepted to - for undergraduate AND graduate school. Even though there was some doubt on whether I'd get in to TCU I was still significantly confident that I would make it in - especially as a transfer student.

If I could change this part of my life, I would have taken more of a chance when applying to schools. I would have sent a few applications to schools where my odds were not as great. Maybe I would have been pleasantly surprised. Who knows where that education and school affiliation would have taken me in my life and career? Perhaps I would have pursued a different course of study.

And, so the questions about the path not taken begin . . .



Act Two: The Career Not Taken

This is one of the things I will definitely put on a "regret" list any day of the week.

BFF and I are radio stars. Well, at least once upon a time we were. I have proof... it's on a recorded cassette tape I keep with random items from my childhood. We had our own radio show. At least that one summer afternoon we did. That was my only taste of being a "Radio DJ."

In Jr. High, one of the local DJs came to our school and talked to our class about broadcasting. I was memorized and my interest was peaked even more then it was before. A few years later, I received the chance to audition for a spot on my high school's radio station. In my heart of hearts, I pinpoint this as one of those moments that changed the course of my life. I stood there for at least a good 10 minutes debating about what I was going to do. It was like flipping a coin. Heads - Yes, I'll audition. Tails - No way in hell!

Inside, my outgoing self was screaming, "Seriously! You're considering not doing this? How can that be?" On the outside, my painfully shy self quickly muzzled my outgoing self just enough to pass-up the opportunity. That next fall, during my junior year of high school, I joined the yearbook staff. That was the start of my interest in journalism which would eventually lead me to pursue a degree in Advertising/Public Relations.

Over the years I can't tell you how many times I think about that moment. Especially during a period of time over the past year that I had the chance to meet some local radio personalities and see them working. As I watched them perform I kept wondering, "What if?"


And the questions about the path not taken continue . . .


Act Three: The Boy Not Taken

In the beginning of our relationship, I was talking to three different guys. The Ex, Deli Guy and Phone Guy. The Ex knew about Deli Guy, but he didn't know about Phone Guy. Actually, BFF didn't even know about PG. It was evident from the very beginning that there was nothing there. So, it was just The Ex and DG. Like I said, The Ex knew about "the other guy." I think that was clue number 1,000 that I was way more into TE. BFF once asked me if I ever wondered what would have happened if I had chosen DG instead of TE. Definite NO. He's not the "what if" boy. The boy I used to wonder about was many years earlier. Someone I thought would always be there and like any perfect fairy tale I would end up with. What they don't tell you about fairy tales is that part of "happily ever after" is timing. Sometimes timing we can't control even when we would like to.

It was after the first of the year and we agreed to go out for dinner that cold Friday evening. I actually remember the conversation like it was yesterday. We weren't very decisive, but we eventually agreed upon a restaurant.

As we waited for our table I internally debated with myself when I was going to bring it up. Tonight was the night I wanted to talk about the possibility of there being an "us" again. I was ready to take the plunge. However, apparently my gut wasn't because we spent the whole evening talking about everything except "us." Not to long after that he met his wife. I was shattered. I mean completely shattered. Whenever we spoke and he mentioned his problems with her I secretly hoped this meant they were breaking up. (I know! I'm an awful friend!) They didn't break up. As I mentioned, she is his wife now.

The beauty of this "act" is that this is one path not taken I have an answer for. It is one path I am thankful I did not take even though at the time I was on the totally opposite end of the spectrum. Our love story would not have ended "happily ever after." Actually, I believe the pursuit of happily ever after would have damaged our relationship (our friendship) more than anything. This is one path that thrived on possibility rather than practicality.

Ok, so maybe the questions actually do stop (at least for this path they do) . . .



................................................................................................

Now that I have shared my thoughts on "the path not taken," I encourage you to read what my blogging sisters have to say about their "paths not taken."

Jenn @ Charmingly Random

Mel @ Me!!!

Shara @ Desperate Madness

Until later . . .

From One Extreme To Another (And Everything In Between)

Over the past two weeks or so I was presented with three volunteer opportunities in which I would be using my Human Resources skills. The first was for a local literacy council, the second, a teen pregnancy organization and the third, a theater that promotes awareness. By the time I had been presented with the third opportunity, I had already been speaking with the first two. I usually believe that having three options is ideal when trying to make a decision, however, in this case it was flat-out confusing. So, I immediately declined the third invitation.

After I had narrowed the options down to the first two, my initial filter to decide what project I would work on was based on its scope. However, the scopes of both projects were interesting to me. One of them I knew for sure I could do. Actually, I could do it with my eyes closed. That said, the roles I could play on the team were diverse and that was appealing. The other opportunity was something I knew I could do, but would also be building upon my knowledge base. (Yes, I was starting to lean onto one side of the fence.) Although, that is not what totally helped me set my decision. The true deciding factor was the cause itself. Of the two, there was one cause that stood out to me and was a little closer to my heart than the other. Thankfully, it was the same project that would also be a learning opportunity for me.

In the end I decided to join the project for the local literacy council.

The issue of literacy is one that has come up a lot over the past few weeks in my world. My friend's son is in a gifted reading program and up until last week it was in jeopardy of being axed next year from his school due to budget cuts. Ironically, this happened to be taking place just as the individual leading this project contacted me. (It's true what they say about timing.)

When I was contemplating volunteering for this organization I started thinking about my friend's son and how lucky he is to be so bright. How lucky he is to have a school program that fosters his gift. Then I thought about the other extreme. Those who can't read things most of us take for granted - like street signs or simple text we encounter on a daily basis. And then, there is the world I live in. Neither extreme situation is applicable to me; I'm not super gifted in the realm of literacy, but I can read well beyond simple street signs and text. However, that doesn't mean literacy isn't something I struggle with daily.

In 1983, my parents took my brother and I out of a private Jewish day school located in Chicago and transplanted us into a tiny public school located in the north suburbs of Chicago. The move was mainly made for financial purposes as the cost of private school was getting to be to high. However, the decision had a greater impact on my life than the cost of tuition would ever have on their pocketbooks.

Soon after I started this new school, they would put me through a battery of testing which ultimately determined I had learning disabilities. Amongst them, trouble with reading comprehension. From that day forth and until the end of my first year of high school I would have some sort of special education classes/instruction/assistance.

During this time I went through many different patterns of behavior when it came to how I reacted to these disabilities. At times I would use them as an excuse for not learning something. Other times it would drive me to persevere and prove I wasn't about to let them get the best of me. It just depended on how beaten down I was from the teasing and stigma that came along with this designation.


(Ok, I've gone a bit off track here. . . I really want to focus on my reading comprehension disability - not having learning disabilities as a whole. )


Reading even to this day is a struggle for me. It's not something I do to relax like others. (G-d I wish it was!) For me it's mostly something done out of necessity. Again, it's not like I don't understand simple day-to-day things like letters, blog entries, news articles etc. It's that when given massive amounts of information it take me longer than most to truly process and learn from what I've read. This is especially frustrating because I love to learn and take in new ideas. Honestly, I thrive on it, but the process of learning is a struggle for me. This is one of the reasons I hesitate about going to law school - the massive amounts of reading that is required. It would truly be a huge undertaking for me that I'm not sure I could handle.

Reading isn't the only part of my life that my disability effects. It also affects my writing. Blogging for me is a challenge. I have all these ideas I want to share, but can't sometimes because I can't always put them together in a clear, concise manner. However, one of the reason I blog so religiously has to do with the fact that it is a goal of mine to become a better writer and continuously learn how to better put my thoughts together. Furthermore, I recognize that when I am re-reading something I have written I won't see where words are missing. Even though I re-read things many times before I submit them for their intended "publication" I don't always catch my errors and cringe because I know it will reflect negatively on me. Simply put, I feel it makes me look stupid when I know I'm not.

Up until recently, a handful of my friends did not know about any of my learning disabilities. It has only come up in conversation because of the volunteer opportunity with my local literacy council. As I speak of what I will be doing I share this factoid about myself with them so they can better understand why the cause means so much to me.

As for why I am sharing it with you . . . Mel @ Me!!! asked us to write this week about something not many people know about us and this is my "unknown fact." (Yes, more perfect timing.)

Now that you’ve read about something not many know about me, I invite you to read what my fellow bloggers have to say about themselves:


Jenn @ Charmingly Random

Shara @ Desperate Madness



Until later . . .

Life Influences

Welcome to Thursday!

And, welcome to another Thursday Blog Project entry. For those of you who don't know what this project is all about, below is what one of my fellow bloggers wrote to explain what is happening:

I have a few friends who knit and blog and we've decided to embark on a blog project that has nothing to do with knitting. We're going to take turns coming up with a topic every Thursday and we each have to blog about it by the end of that day and post links to each other's blogs so that people can see our different perspectives on the same topic.
-Thanks to Merryland Girl for this explanation of what I now affectionately refer to as "The Thursday Blog Project."


This week's topic: "Tell me how you were raised - are there any lessons that your parent(s) taught you that you didn't appreciate when you were younger, but understand now that you're an adult?"

Compliments of: Jenn @ Charmingly Random

My other friends are:

Shara @ Desperate Madness

Mel @ Me!!!

Whenever I am first sharing my family tree with someone I tell them they will need to get a pen and paper out to keep track of all of us and the relationships because I come from a very non-traditional family. Or, at least what use to be a non-traditional family back then. (I think we are more "traditional" now.) To spare you from having to get a score card of your own out I will just say I have two brothers who are significantly older than me and one that is close in age to me. I have two nieces and two nephews (one of each is closer in age to me, as well) and a great nephew.

Looking back, there are two chapters to my family life. Life before my dad passed away and life after my dad passed away. If you've read my blog at all, you would know that I loved my dad very much and his passing had a significant impact on my life. Some of my greatest memories include him. Because of him from an early age I was a magician who could disappear and reappear on command. He would be the one who would always point out the literal side of things to me even though I was a child. And he was the one who would teach me the life lessons through a "your actions have consequences" approach. And he was the one who taught me the life lessons through a "your actions have consequences" approach. Or, at least that is how he handled my brother - and I just picked up on the lessons along the way. From what I could gather from his approach, punishment wasn't effective because in most cases the consequences of ones "bad" actions sucked even more than any punishment ever could.

At this point I feel the need to back-peddle a bit. I don't want to undermine the impact my mother had on my life. However, I think her impact really set-in after my dad's passing. How could it not? She was my only parent at that point. I wasn't a bad kid overall. I had a few minor transgressions, but a fairly non-rebellious soul so I wasn't punished regularly. When I look back on my childhood I think that my mom and I survived "war" together. After that first year without dad, my brother went to college and we moved out of the house we had all been living in. Over the next four years we would become each other's "mostly companion." (And, we always will be.)

The last person to have an influence on me growing up is my brother. As shocking as it is to hear me say that, it's even more shocking for me to say. It wasn't until last night when I was ruminating over this blog post that I realized it. I learned a lot from watching him grow up. To some extent I think that is why I didn't do certain things as a teenager and an adult. Lastly, he has given me a lot of useful advice, in his own special way of course.

My parents, as my parental unit, were wonderful. There was (and still is) never a time when I didn't feel loved. Yes, they frustrated, irritated and annoyed me, but when I got past those feeling what I always came back to was their love. They taught me to be the person I am today. Through their mistakes I have learned and work towards not repeating them. In some ways I have succeeded at this and in others ways not so much.

I know you can't pick your family (and trust me many days I wish that wasn't the case), however I love my family immensely and life would not be the same without them. They have influenced me in many ways. Ways I don't know that I will ever realize. What I do know is that I continue to learn from them as the years go on and for that I am thankful.

Until later . . .

Quote Me

Risks must be taken because the greatest risk in life is to risk nothing. The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing and becomes nothing." - Leo Buscaglia

It's Thursday once again.

This week Shara @ Desperate Madness challenged us to pick our favorite quote and write about what it means to us.

The other contributing bloggers are:

Melissa @ Me!!!
Jenn @ Charmingly Random

The above quote was the one I used for my senior quote in the 1994 edition of my high school's yearbook. It's been years since I've looked at it. Quite honestly, I forgot what quote I even used so I had a bit of a jaw dropping moment when I read it.

Why jaw dropping? It's been a hot topic of conversation in my life over the couple of weeks . . . months. See the truth of the matter is that I'm afraid of taking risks.

Yep, you read that correctly. The one that jumps out of planes and wants to learn how to ride a motorcycle is a afraid of taking risks. Ironic, isn't it!? Not so much . . . Those are the easy things to do if you ask me. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I've faced the possibility of death on three different occasions. After that, participating in such extreme activities no longer seems "risky."

So, why is it that I say with such vigor and conviction that I am afraid of taking risks? Well, to me taking taking a risk means risking my emotional well-being. Putting myself in a position of great vulnerability and disappiontment. To me there are two realms of my life in which the greatest life risks exist. They are my professional life and my personal life. "Proceed with caution." That is my motto when it comes to these two worlds. The saddest part of all this is that I know by not taking risks in these parts of my life I am most likely missing out on some greatest life rewards possible. I also acknowledge this and accept it as part of my current reality.

Professional Life: There have been so many trials and tribulations in my professional world I wouldn't even know where to begin. Not to mention, I am currently at a crossroads in this part of my life. What makes sense, and is safe, is to continue on the road I've been following for the past seven/eight years. However, I have to admit I don't know that it's one I necessarily want to follow because I believe long-term I will not find the fulfillment one should get from their work. However, what will? And, what if that leads to a dead-end as well? All these questions and uncertainty typically lead me to stay on the same path. The safe path.

Personal Life: ***DEEP BREATH*** This is where I really don't take a lot of risks - especially lately. Simply put, I've been hurt so many times by so many different people that I trusted that the entrance into my world, and even more importantly into my heart, is a tough one to get through. I feel bad about this, I honestly do. Sometime I feel so badly I feel as though I need to apologize for it. But often, I just stand my ground and take the stand that if someone wants in badly enough they will serve their time on the outside. Stubborn, selfish and arrogant, possibly. However, I keep telling myself you have to do what you have to do to protect yourself.

At the end of the day, if I do take a risk in these two worlds it is one in which I'm almost sure of the outcome that it wouldn't necessarily be considered a risk. I guess one would say it is a calculated risk.

So where is all this rambling leading too?

Going back to last week's topic, I think it was G-d's plan for me to revisit the world of the 18-year-old girl who felt so strongly about taking risks that she left that message as her high school legacy. It has served as a reminder of who I once was, who I feel I am deep down inside and the person I strive to be going forward. It has gotten me to challenge myself to take risks in all areas of my life.

Until later . . .

G-d's Plan

Another Thursday, another group post.

This week's topic was chosen by Me.

This week's topic: G-d's Plan For Your Life.

One small problem . . . It's not Thursday. It's Friday. My post was basically all written with the exception of a few tweaks needed. I was going to post it when I got home last night. Then I got on the phone. The conversation that lasted almost two hours. After I got off the phone I was exhausted and fell asleep. I guess it wasn't G-d's plan for me to post last night.

I woke up this morning well aware that I hadn't posted my Thursday entry. As I went to finish it up I reread it. Though relevant to the topic, I once again changed my mind as to what direction I wanted to take the assignment. (This was now the second change.)

I'm a bit bummed that I put all the energy into it just to change my mind. The good news is that it was a post I've wanted to write for some time. So, when the time is right all I have to do is push the "publish" button. Maybe that was part of G-d's plan as well...

So what do I have to say about G-d's plan that doesn't have to do with changing my mind or falling asleep?

For over two years I've been going through one of those times in life when people continuously say to me something to the effect of, "there is a plan and a reason you are going through this." Or, "G-d has a plan and it will all work out in the end." There have been times I thought I was coming out the other side, but I've come to find out that isn't the case. The tunnel just seems to be getting longer and longer. And, I'm getting a tad frustrated.

At times during this journey I've done my part to speed-up this process. Others times, I haven't because I've ran out of energy and have needed to recharge. Being in this holding pattern is difficult and it's hard when you think you've taken so many steps forward to only find you need to go back to what seems like the beginning once again.

Regardless, this is G-d's plan for me and one day it will all make sense . . . Or, at least that is what I am banking on.

Until later . . .

Unexpected Friendship

The first topic of this quartet is to talk about an unexpected friendship we've have in our lifetime.

I've been thinking about this all day. And, hours later I still can't come up with one friendship I've had that I would say was "unexpected." As my fellow bloggers in this group have been posting their entries I've been taking a peek. Maybe something would spark my memory. Still nothing. (Yeah, I know. Leave it to me to be the "difficult" one.) So, tonight I went through my "Friends" list on Facebook. Clearly everyone I'm friended with there is a super close friend. : D This actually helped me.

I'm choosing to talk about my friend Yelper. No, that's not actually their name, but since I met them through Yelp it's the most appropriate nickname I can come up with. I've never actually met Yelper, but I've been corresponding on and off with them for well over a year now. At first when I started pm-ing and e-mailing Yelper it was all surface level. They once gave me their phone number if I ever wanted to actually talk and eventually did months and months down the road. I don't know what motivated me to call, but I did. We haven't talked since that one time. We've discuss via e-mail hanging out. Why not? They only live an hour or so away from me. However, our schedules never seemed to gel.

We don't correspond all the time and it seems to go in cycles. What I find most interesting about this friendship is that even though I don't know this person in real life we've developed some form of a friendship. Recently, I was talking to them about some "drama" going on in my life. Getting just another prespective on things when it dawned on me how far my trust in them had gone.

A lot of my in real life friends don't know about Yelper (until now that it). Like I said, not someone I've met so I don't have stories to share about them. Recently I've started to wonder if I really want to meet Yelper in real life. I mean, that would ruin the whole dynamic of the friendship. Don't you think?

Until later . . .