Balancing Act

I have this one particular top I've worn every Valentine's Day since I got it a few years ago. It wasn't given to me particularly on VDay or for VDay, but if you saw it you would see why it's fitting for the day.

It's a red top with a sweetheart neckline. It has a layered effect to it so it looks like I'm wearing a white t-shirt underneath the red. It was one of those gift that someone saw and got for me because it looked like something I would wear. They were right - it is something I would wear and it just happens to be perfect for VDay. That person is no longer in my life, but I still think of them when I go to get the top. Furthermore, I smile as I take it out of my drawer.

This is just one of many times I find myself balancing good memories with reality. It's a hard thing to do. A really hard thing to do. But, one that I insist on doing. I've been told it is a testament to the person I am at my very core - "Someone who wants to see the best in others even when they've clearly been shown otherwise." (That's what I've been told.)

Those who are close to me don't know how I do it. If they had it their way they'd have me remember the reality all the time and take away the good memories. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to not maintain this fine-line and actually venture over to the "dark-side." Sometimes I claim it would be an easier road to travel. However, I think hating and being angry towards something (someone) is too easy vs. dealing with the primary emotions/reasons behind those feelings. I know I've mentioned this before, but it's on my mind because of yesterday's VDay "tradition" and a conversation I had today about this balancing act.

The VDay top will be washed with my next load of laundry and then put away until next year. It might make an appearance or two between now and then, but not as a regular part of my clothing rotation. I'm sure the person who gave it to me doesn't know the special meaning it holds let alone remember the top, but a part of me pretends they do because it makes me smile even more and makes this tradition just a bit more special.

Until later . . .